First Tooth -- I'm a Fairy Now for Real

Victory! She lost her first tooth! This is the most real smile I have ever seen. It's just too exciting.

Some things are so real to me. I over think. I don't fake things really well. And so life is this quest for what is real. That is when I am alive. I don't go chase it like a thrill seeker. I wait pretty patiently I think. 

I have times as a kid when I felt so alive. I really remember losing my first teeth. I remember being in kindergarten. I remember knowing I had just lost my first tooth, and that I was in kindergarten. I remember the sand and the playground and the tooth and the joy. Whenever Quinn has an experience that I remember having, I basically bawl. I just become to faced with the reality of my life and motherhood. I feel so overcome with joy that I'm her mother but also with fear that I will screw it up. What will she remember? How will she remember me? I just want her to remember that I was there when magical things (and horrible things) happened, and that I loved the heck out of her no matter what. What else is there really? 

So, when these big things happen, I get chocked up because its not the plan anymore. It's not pretending anymore. It's not, "What happens when she loses a tooth?" It is, "Oh, my gosh. She lost a tooth. My baby just lost a tooth." It's real now. 

Today I was so excited to be there for this special moment that I won't forget ever, even if maybe one day she does. She said, "My tooth was bleeding while I was at the pool, Mommy! And then she said, "I'm going to go see if it is still bleeding." And then she made this little noise from the bathroom, and I heard the teeny tiny sound of a teeny tiny something hit the sink and then the floor. And to me it felt like I could never go back. My baby got huge with one little wiggle, and I felt a swelling of Joy for her, and I couldn't even remember how scared I am of her to grow up or of me to screw it up. That moment was just about her, and I loved every minute of it. We jumped and cheered, and she had never looked prouder. I just love my girl so much, and I can't believe that I get this ticket to her life. I get to be here. It's nuts. I don't feel really connected to the idea of unconditional love. People talk about and gush about their kids all the time, and I talk about mine too, of course. But there are these moments when it is not because you have to or because that is what people say. There are these moments when the wave of energy and excitement just hits you. For me those moments are just so real, and they make me feel so alive. Those moments when you feel the love land on you. It just comes out of nowhere, and it is more real than the words used to describe it. I think that love is so much for fun. I guess it is always there, but I when it comes alive -- over the little things. That is awesome and so real. 

The tooth fairy brought Quinn a dollar bill. She was delighted. I heard her wake up way to early, and I knew right away what was happening. I lay in bed (on the floor) waiting for her arrival. She came in all dressed, waving a dollar with so much to say. Next, she had us list things that cost one dollar so she could decide what to buy. She chose a Push Up. We head out for the purchase tomorrow. : )

Kenna and I could not get enough of this tooth. I took lost of pictures of it. It was so small and left such a big hole. I never want to forgot what this little milestone felt like in my hand.