More deep thoughts about Zoloft

So, as I said, it appears the Zoloft has fixed the problem. But it has also made me happy and relaxed and very quick to laugh. What's not to love... about me? right?

But at the same time I know this is VERY temporary because I have to start weening pretty soon so the baby will not have withdrawals after she is born. Darn.

I was talking to my sister about it, and I came up with this really great way to look at the situation. I think sometimes we forget what our best selves look like. We forget how it feels to not take offense. We forgot how it looks when we relax or what happens when we don't over plan or over expect or over think in our lives.

I feel like this stint on the miracle drug has given me a really beautiful chance to reconnect with myself. I love my reactions, my relationships and my feelings right now.

In real life it is REALLY hard to be happy all the time, and we shouldn't even try because we would go nuts and probably fail. But the effects of happiness on how we treat people is priceless, and again, I think sometimes it is just that we forget how to be nicer or patient or soft or fun or understanding. The Zoloft has just reminded me what it looks like to make these things a priority.

This weekend, for example, it was so easy to just love my parents and siblings for who they are. No judging, no fighting, no mocking, no teasing, no useless debating, no correcting. I just had a chance to just enjoy them. I wasn't defensive or grouchy or stressed, and it opened the door to a great example of how to treat them that I can remember if times ever get hard in the future.

Have you ever had someone say, "Just kill them with kindness" or "Turn the other cheek" or "Just don't let them get under your skin." You're think, "What the heck does that look like?" or "That doesn't apply here AT ALL." The Zoloft has shown me in multiple situations new options for how to act.

So I can't keep the Zoloft (or my sweet, sweet Zoloft) but I can keep the example.

And I hope I do.

P.S. Here is one more example to show you how the Zoloft relaxes me: Tim and I are huge fans of "The Office." We watch it together, but I have to be holding the Tivo remote because Michael Scott stresses me out so badly that I have to pause it and take breaks or scream multiple times during the awkward show. Last week we were watching, and half way through I realized that I wasn't holding the remote AND I was totally confused about why on earth Tim would pause it and say things like, "Oh my gosh, I just can't watch. Oh my gosh." I was like, "What is the problem. It's not even bad this week. Just watch" .... He was no more stressed than normal, but he seemed like a mess in contrast with my comma. My beautiful comma.