For no reason last night Tim woke me up at midnight to take care of a perfectly fine baby who was just trying to cry it out. He fell back asleep, but I was up.
As I lay there, I heard some new noises in the Victorian. My mind started to wonder. Remember the time I was in bed and thought I heard a mouse tapping on the drum in the front room. It was like that. I knew I was crazy, but my mind couldn't stop. I was sure I could hear a rattle snake in the bag of plastics sacs. And suddenly I remembered that the door to the mud room was probably not locked. And possibly the door from the mud room to the kitchen was not even closed. And suddenly I pictured a bear sniffing the trash in the mud room, walking in to get it, and then finding me and my children asleep in this tent-like house and killing us all. I completely freaked out.
I hit Tim and sounded like a crazy person when I said, "Wake up! I think there is a bear in the kitchen." Totally humoring me, he inched -- a little too slowly -- into the kitchen. I could tell he was standing by the mud room. There was a pause. Then I heard him day softly and calmly, "Yup. There's a bear in there." I completely lost my mind. Tim opened the kitchen door to scare it away. Just opening it slightly and slammed it shut. Then I heard him call out, "Go away bear." This was not comforting to me. The worst was, "Get the cat. I'm going to go scare it away." I jumped up and begged him not to.
Well, the bear left quickly. But we were both pretty freaked to go shut the mud room door. I made Tim wait until I was ready. I finally got into my attack position, which in case you are new is me in the bed on my knees with the pillow on my bed. Once in position, I said, "ok, do it." I heard both doors slam and lock, but there was not much sleeping to be had. What the hell?!
I hit Tim and sounded like a crazy person when I said, "Wake up! I think there is a bear in the kitchen." Totally humoring me, he inched -- a little too slowly -- into the kitchen. I could tell he was standing by the mud room. There was a pause. Then I heard him day softly and calmly, "Yup. There's a bear in there." I completely lost my mind. Tim opened the kitchen door to scare it away. Just opening it slightly and slammed it shut. Then I heard him call out, "Go away bear." This was not comforting to me. The worst was, "Get the cat. I'm going to go scare it away." I jumped up and begged him not to.
Well, the bear left quickly. But we were both pretty freaked to go shut the mud room door. I made Tim wait until I was ready. I finally got into my attack position, which in case you are new is me in the bed on my knees with the pillow on my bed. Once in position, I said, "ok, do it." I heard both doors slam and lock, but there was not much sleeping to be had. What the hell?!
Apparently there have only been 3 bear deaths in Colorado's history. This does not make me feel better. I am bound to be number 4. After we looked up those numbers, I asked Tim to research, "Bear in the kitchen encounters that did not end in death." I think that will make me feel better.
What the!!
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