No, It's mine

When we picked Quinn up from church today, the teacher told us, "She's basically the perfect child." Then, we got home, and she threw a fit and about heaven knows what.

Then, later tonight she said her first sentence:

Mommy: Quinn, can you go give that back to Avery.

Quinn: No, it's mine (angry voice!!)


So, everyone is perfect some of the time. We all have our stage. I like it that way.

I have a friend who doesn't ever protect herself by saying things like, "No, it's mine," so I am actually quite pleased that my daughter is, in fact, not perfect at all. She rocks.

Grouch

I guess I've never understood the character Oscar the grouch because he's grouchy, and that is not a good example to children. But then there is me, Quinn's mom, sitting here in the front room feeling grouchy, ignoring everyone, snapping comments here and there. I think Oscar has a better approach...just call is it what it is. I think it is less offensive to people when you just tell them you're feeling grouchy and are having a bad. Yeah, Oscar could have had fewer bad days, but at least he told the truth.

So, here it is. I'm in a bad mood. I'm ignoring my child, rolling my eyes at my husband, and I wish I had more money because shopping and Christmas are more fun with money. Done. I'll get over it...tomorrow.

The Battle for the Golden Corral

The Golden Corral and I go head to head in a hunger battle for $8.

So, I ended up having to stay at work for several more hours today than I thought, and I found myself in that very tricky pregnant situation... without FOOD!!

That, of course, is a problem. I was hungry and low on cash. I started driving toward Noodles & Co. to buy a pasta dish. Then I thought, "That is goin' cost me like 6 bucks and then what if it doesn't fill me up?" Next thing I know I am pulling into the Golden Corral -- a fine and very classy Buffet establishment. I waited in a line behind a dozen old people, and then paid my $8 for ALL I COULD EAT, BABY!

I know. A buffet? But hear me out. I figured that these days it sometimes takes a few helpings of food to fill me up. The other night I came home and had to eat four burritos to even put a dent in my hunger, so I think my Corral strategy made sense. It was like lunch insurance. Pay a little more and get a guarantee! Plus, I could get some meets and veggies. (But not really veggies because I became intolerant to greens... very weird.) I got my tray, my water, and my TWO plates and went for it.

I spotted the pizza first as I was just barely out of the gate. Cheese. My favorite. Then the mash potatoes. Perfect. A Deviled egg. A glob of cornbread stuffing. Took a bite of pizza while still walking around. Grabbed two pieces of the garlic style cheese pizza. Eyed the salad, almost gaged, and made a mental note about where the pie was.

I found a nice quiet corner and started in. The basic cheese pizza was amazing. Hot, soft, sweet. The potatoes were fine. The stuffing was gross, and the egg had too much mustard. The garlic pizza wasn't up to snuff, so I left that plate mostly full, grabbed my second plate and headed back to the troth to start over.

I grabbed some more pizza because everything else was making me gag and the meat of the day was little cheese burgers. But I got half a slice in and it happen!!!

I got full.

What the heck?

I paid $8 for this. I was going to get all $8. But it wasn't looking good. I had a lot to do at work and needed to leave, but this was serious. I decided to wait it out. I figured that pregnancy is unpredictable, and so there was a good chance I could end up on top and walk out of these in 30 minutes with two full bellies.

So I waited for the hunger to find me. I tried to keep myself busy. I took a picture of an old-people diner's club at the table next to me. I ran outside when another old woman forget her purse. I switched seats for a different view. I talked to a few work people on the phone. I texted my sister, and then I gave up. I chocked down some softserve with Oreos and surrendered my battle. What in the world? And what a bummer.

My only saving grace is that it is 6 hours later, and I just barely got hungry. That would have been a long wait, so time wise, I think I ended up on top.

I'm going back ... for the pizza.

And round 2.

Awesome Husband

I love you all for the support you have offered for the last few weeks.

Some of the very best supports has come from my husband who has done everything possible to take care of me. He's jumped out of bed to take care of Quinn, washed hundreds of dishes, and asked what he can make me for 3 meals a day. It's wonderful to have him back. I really missed him. Perfect timing.

I'm grateful that God organizes the plan. If it were up to me, I'd get it all wrong.

Cylce of Abuse

There are nearly no abusive men in my life. And it is a good thing because I would not tolerate that very well. I once dated a guy who had some tendencies to be emotionally abusive. I was dazed for awhile, and then saw the light. Thank goodness. I still hate him. The stress he caused me has given me stomach problems for years.

But unfortunately I recently was exposed to someone else's emotionally abusive situation, and it broke my heart. It is breaking my heart. The saddest part was that as I helped my friend find comfort and information about what to do, we found tons of facts about emotional abuse. She said, "It's weird because it feels so personal to me, but it looks like I've been living a textbook case." It was true. We would find Web sites that outlined her relationship exactly. The specifics of her abuse weren't there, but the cycle and how it made her feel was laid out perfectly. It really scared us both. It has made me really sad. I spent one whole day last week just crying -- for her and for the fact that these kinds of abusers exist. (Pregnancy probably also helped with the water works.)

Again, I'm pretty hard core. Obviously I am all about women's rights. I think that we rock and that we deserve the very best treatment from everyone on earth because we are women and we rock. Got it? It is simple logic to me. My friend has helped me become more aware of this other world. I ask all of you this week to look at the women in your life and make sure they are all OK. Make sure they are being treated fairly and equally in their relationships. Look up a Web site about emotional abuse and make yourself more informed. I had never considered the language of, "I think you are so unhappy because you are being abused." But the one time I had the guts to kindly and lovingly bring up that possibility to a troubled friend it changed a lot of lives for the better.

Never too Bored to Bless the USA

I'm back on my couch after not getting better when I thought I was getting better. Tim was busy on the computer when it was time to watch The Office, so I did what any reasonable wife and bored woman would do when she can not get out of bed. I looked up the words to several patriotic songs and started singing. I cracked myself up for about 20 minutes, and Tim never said a word. Sometimes I got really loud ever though Quinn was sleeping. During my musical google search, I found this God Bless the USA site. How convenient -- words and lyrics together! A sing-a-long.

So, if you need a moment, something to do, a laugh, cry ...

God Bless the U.S.A.

More to the List

Kati Kofford invited Quinn to play on Tuesday morning. She had the time of her life, and came home acting like a 3 year old.

Melissa Jones and Amy Williams helped lift Quinn and and out of her crib for nap time today.

Nancy Jones and Paula McKinley brought a yummy soup dinner.

Chris Olson brought lasagna that fed us breakfast lunch and dinner for the whole weekend.

Joann Douglas and Peggy Watkins brought another amazing dinner.

Errin Peddersen forbid me to work.

Gretel and Kristen brought dinner. And Kristen specifically shopped with my organic diet in mind, which was very thoughtful.

Kris Olsen offered to get my books and DVD's on her trip to the library.

"What should I do with my life?"

So last night my cute husband asked, "What should I do with my life?" I loved his questions because it felt open and free, and it reminded me -- as I have always felt -- that the sky is the limit.

Of course #1 on our family list is to be a rock star family. And we are still working on that with our rock star band. It is our dream to make Chris Merritt famous, and we do not plan to give up .. ever.

But we've also been thinking about and remembering some of our other family dreams. Tim and I have always wanted to move to a Spanish speaking country for a few years. So that is now back on the table.

I, as some of you know, am very passionate about Utah lake. It is my goal to own a piece of lake front property on the West side of the lake some day. So that is now back on the table.

Looks like I might get my job at UVU for another year, so staying in Utah is back on the table.

We really love our house, our neighbors, and our mountains, so keeping our house in Alpine forever is also back on the table.

We really want to adopt from foster care in 5 years, so becoming certified as foster parents, fostering children, and adopting are still, as always, on the table.

We both think this baby is a boy so having a Timothy Easton Fellow Jr. is back on the table.

Tim is still in love with both music and finances so finding a job that does both is still on the table.

We're still worried about Utah schools, but staying in Utah is, again, still on the table. We'll figure it out. "Shoot for Harvard, Quinn. For Harvard!"

We're totally in love with our friends the Purdie's, and so we can't leave Utah unless they come too. So, again, staying in Utah is still on the table.

I love the idea of creating an after-hours maternity clinic where women can come and get medical help or advice for pregnancy issues without the fear and expense of going to the ER. So part of my plan is to become a sonographer so that I can give ultrasounds and help people through hard times. Tim agrees, so this is on the table too.

I'm also really passionate about women's legal rights in Utah, so eventually I might start an organization to help women with these issues in the work place. On the table.

We have also decided to take a stronger stance against immoral media content in our home. We have taken multiple shows out of our TIVO over the last few weeks because the content was far and above against our person and family beliefs and standards. So staying hard core Mormons is, of course, always on the table.

We are having a Chris Merritt music video shot at our house in a few weeks, so becoming millionaires by selling a house that was used in the most famous Chris Merritt video ever ... is on the table, Baby!! Sweet!

The Errand of Angels

This is the start of the list of all the amazing things people have done to help. Thank You.

"But God knew the challenges they would face, and he certainly knew how lonely and troubled they would sometimes feel. So He watched over His mortal family constantly, heard their prayers always, and sent prophets to teach, counsel, and guide them. But in times of special need, He sent angels, divine messengers, to bless His children, reassure them that heaven was always very close and that His help was always very near," Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in The Ministry of Angels, General Conference Oct. 2008. Ensign page 29.

Melissa Jones carried Quinn through a snow storm.

Ammie Gillespie walked me through all the scenarios before we knew what was going on.

Heather Nelson called first thing Monday morning because she had a vibe that something was wrong.

Lindsay Purdie also called first thing Monday morning with the same vibe and then watched Quinn while we went to the doctor. She came over on Friday with cookies and treats and lifted Quinn and my spirits all day.

Tim does just about everything. He's the perfect husband. Enough said.

Sherry Loudon brought over dinner and stayed to keep me company on my couch.

Kati Koffard let Gracie eat snow while she took time to talk with me after preschool on Friday.

Melissa Jones called to check in and offer help.

Natalie and Audrey brought over dinner and offered to watch Quinn.

Peggy Dowse called and offered all kinds of love and help.

Avery Fellow came over after work and brought Jamba Juice, and then she pushed Quinn around the house in her new tricycle for an hour.

Jan Fellow called to check up.

Shelly put my name in the temple.

Kristie, my sister, called bawling because she misses me and Quinn so much and wants to come to Utah to help.

Sherry Loudon offered us a home for Thanksgiving.

Kris Olson tipped off the powers that be that something was wrong with Jill Fellow.

Two blog strangers/friends sent personal notes of encouragement.

Melissa Jones, Kris Olson and Jessica Moffat told me to get home and get my feet up, which motivated me to find the root of the problem and get more specific instructions.

Take it "Really" Easy

I have a lot more answers this week! Turns out I have a subchorionic bleed. 

As you all know, we saw a heartbeat during an ultrasound on Monday, which was very amazing considering my condition. In most cases seeing the heartbeat at that point would have been enough to breathe easy, but my bleeding and cramping kept getting worse. So, we went back to the midwife's clinic today for another and more high tech ultrasound. 

When they first offered to do this, they told me it was for my "peace of mind" and since I didn't want to feel like a wimp, I told them it would not be necessary. But I woke up the next morning and remembered that my whole mantra about this process is "Peace of Mind for all Women." So, I called back and said I'd take it. I had read a lot online about women with this problem who have to beg their doctors to take a closer look in order to tell them what is actually happening to them. I love my midwives. 

So, they made me drink 32 oz of water and hold my pee for an hour, which just about killed me. They do this because a full bladder pushes the baby stuff closers to the Ultrasound machine so they could really see what was happening. But by the time Tim and I walked into the office, I was literally watering from my eyes and about to wet myself. (And that is no joke coming from the mama who pushed for 4 hours with baby #1. Dear me.) I signed in, and the women asked if I had a full bladder. I said yes, but then I about lost it. I waited until no one was looking. I ran to the bathroom and let a little out. I had to be very disciplined. It was one of those, "Think about your baby" (stop peeing... now... ok, now. STOP. Fine.) I was only back in my seat for 3 seconds before they called my name. Close call. 

During the ultrasound they saw our awesome baby's heartbeat again. And they found a subchorionic bleed, which has been causing the problems. The problems is not uncommon, they said. But it is also not all common. So basically, I'm all messed up. But what is important to know is that it is me that is bleeding and not the baby. My subchorionic bleed is a pocket of the placenta that has not properly attached to the uterine wall. The cramping is my body's way of trying to stop the bleeding, but the cramping causes its own set of problems for the baby and the healing process. 

So, in the end, I am sitting down for awhile. "Take it easy" now means do not to anything when I feel cramps (which is always) and avoid all exercise and lifting (including Quinn) until the bleeding has stopped for an entire week. (FYI: no sign of drying up anytime soon.) I would love to say that the bleeding has slowed down with 48 hours of almost complete bed rest... but it hasn't. The midwife said this could last for up to another 4 weeks. Dear me, again. 

But I have an awesome support system. I feel like I understand what is going on and how to fix it. I have amazing neighbors and friends, and Tim and i have sat down and talked in detail about what I can and cannot do. So, maybe this will be a needed chance to catch up on grading. The hardest part is not being able to play with Quinn the way I like to. She is getting a bit upset about it. So, we pulled out a big box that was supposed to be a Christmas gift from Grammy. Now it is the bed rest gift ... a new tricycle! 

The hardest part will be working next week. I have to go in to teach 5 times next week, and one of the days will be about 12 hours. It might set me back, but I am looking for ways to ease up the day: park close to my classes, start class late so i don't have to rush, and put my feet up while impart great knowledge to my geniuses. I would get out of it if I could, but we have to eat. 

I'm going to post the names of all the people who help, so watch names and thank you's coming up. 

Take it Easy

An updated on the baby bumps in my road to Baby #2.

So, after all the scare this weekend with the baby, I am on a "take it easy" plan. But to be honest, I have no idea what that means. Who ever invented the phrase take it easy must not have had children or credit card debt. Right?

I try not to pick Quinn up very much because she weighs more than 30 pounds, but after a while she starts to notice and looks at me like I am a stranger. Tim is a great help, but it is hard to keep the rhythm of the morning when you have to yell, "I need her in her high chair now," across the house to get anything done. So then I just do it myself, and I then I cramp more. It's my fault. Well, it's my dad's fault because we both really like to focus on a task. My mom too. I came from some great focusers. None of us are very good at lounging or slowing down unless it is specifically scheduled into the perfect day.

My friend Bridget comes from some great loungers. They can sit around a room all together reading their respective books and enjoying just doing nothing all day. "Not I," said the fly.

So "take it easy" doesn't mean much to me. But luckily it does to some of my neighbors. I really have great friends here. My neighbor and great friend Melissa understands "take it easy" enough to hold a screaming Quinn in one arm and her own toddler in the other while walking through a foot of snow in the middle of a storm to get Quinn in the car for me this morning. (On top of it all, she's from Nevada and hates the snow and the cold with a passion.)

I'm not opposed to taking it easy or getting help. I guess I am just a little more extreme than "take it easy." I guess it would be easier for me to hear, "Never get up again" or "Run a Marathon." Then at least the challenge would be specific.

Thanks to everyone for your help. My students, my friends, my family. Baby #2 thanks you, too.

After doing a lot of research and reading posts and comments from dozens of women online, I have found a lot of people in my situation. Most go on to have healthy babies. Since we heard the heartbeat, my miscarriage chances dropped from 50 percent to less than 10 percent. So that is, of course, wonderful news.

But it looks like I get the luxury of being pregnant and on my period at the same time for the next few weeks. I guess that makes me "special," and let's face it: who doesn't love to be special?

More Baby Bumps

I have been having a few scares with my pregnancy this time around. This weekend I started spotting and cramping, and by Sunday night I was pretty sure this pregnancy party was over. Tim and I went to the midwife on Monday morning, and there it was... a heartbeat. Ticking away.

So, we are feeling much more hopeful, but I am still bleeding and cramping and not feeling so hot.