Do any of you remember Quinn's first day of pre-school last year? Well, basically, the crescendo was that while she was out on the play ground, a little boy pushed her off the swings. The little boy cried because he was put in a time out. And then Quinn cried because the little boy cried. Quinn had to sit by the teacher in the school yard for a long time to help her feel better. She was sitting with the teacher for longer than the boy was in time out. The entire event -- him crying, not him pushing her -- was the only school story Quinn told for 6 month. The little boy's name was Jaden. He reminds me of a boy I went to school with named Chris DeRitter. Chris was never on the teacher's good side, and I always felt badly for him.
Anyway, Jaden, has a hard life much like I suspect Chris DeRitter did. His parents are/ were on drugs, and he gets shuffled between both parents and both sets of grandparents. He doesn't always behave well because he doesn't always know how to.
Quinn loves Jaden. She did that first day, and she did all year. Quinn's love for him has made me really love him too.
His father -- the 28 year old young man who told Jaden on the first day of school last that he should not push Quinn off the swing ever again -- just died from heroin intoxication. I just found out today. My heart is so broken for this little boy that I can barely function. Not sure of the details, but basically he will have a long road ahead of him with custody battles and obviously a broken heart of his own. As I was reading Aaron Garrett's obituary tonight, I kept thinking about Jaden, which made me think about Quinn. Earlier today I asked Quinn if we could have Jaden over to play. I told her that Jaden is sad, and that maybe we could help. She said, "Ok. Today? How 'bout right now? Jaden is nice." It made me want to be 3.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
7 Weeks
I am really excited to be 7 weeks pregnant. It sounds actually pregnant and not like the test is still drying in the trash. It makes me feel like I am in the middle of it and not still at the starting gates.
I have always been self-conscious about other people knowing when I am doing something for the first time. Riding the elevator on my first day of work, I just hope no one asks me how long I've been there until I've been there a week and half and can sort of say, "A couple of weeks." I feel like most people I can relate to say they are about 5 weeks pregnant when they are in fact 4 weeks and 3 days because most people do not have the heart to say it as it is.
Whenever I hear people being brutality honest about there current moment, I think, "Wow, they have guts." And sometimes I thing, "What an idiot." I'm on the fence.
But I digress.
So, 7 weeks feel great mentally and pretty crappy physically. I have had good days and bad days. I have to eat dinner-type foods every few hours starting first thing in the morning or I get sick and can't shake it for the whole day. I throw up sometimes, but I mostly just feel sick and awful. My nose is still on fire. My bladder seems unaffected by pregnancy but highly affected by not being on my candida diet. I am not over tired, but I do get really light-headed whenever I get up. Sometimes I have to sit back down or hold on to the wall. I get some cramps, and I seem to have some crazy pains in my gal bladder.
I was just about 9 weeks with McKenna when I lifted some heavy items and started bleeding for one month. That was also the start of the end of the band, Avery left Chris, and Avery moved it. Aside from the bleeding and the fear of miscarriage, it was a really happy time. But still I hope that unless we win the lottery, 9 weeks with #3 will be a lot less eventful.
I have always been self-conscious about other people knowing when I am doing something for the first time. Riding the elevator on my first day of work, I just hope no one asks me how long I've been there until I've been there a week and half and can sort of say, "A couple of weeks." I feel like most people I can relate to say they are about 5 weeks pregnant when they are in fact 4 weeks and 3 days because most people do not have the heart to say it as it is.
Whenever I hear people being brutality honest about there current moment, I think, "Wow, they have guts." And sometimes I thing, "What an idiot." I'm on the fence.
But I digress.
So, 7 weeks feel great mentally and pretty crappy physically. I have had good days and bad days. I have to eat dinner-type foods every few hours starting first thing in the morning or I get sick and can't shake it for the whole day. I throw up sometimes, but I mostly just feel sick and awful. My nose is still on fire. My bladder seems unaffected by pregnancy but highly affected by not being on my candida diet. I am not over tired, but I do get really light-headed whenever I get up. Sometimes I have to sit back down or hold on to the wall. I get some cramps, and I seem to have some crazy pains in my gal bladder.
I was just about 9 weeks with McKenna when I lifted some heavy items and started bleeding for one month. That was also the start of the end of the band, Avery left Chris, and Avery moved it. Aside from the bleeding and the fear of miscarriage, it was a really happy time. But still I hope that unless we win the lottery, 9 weeks with #3 will be a lot less eventful.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Birthing Eyes
Occasionally I am just too tired to be a good mom, and it bites me in the butt later.
For example, when I started my new job and the days were so long, I had to sit and do nothing but hold my babies when I got home. Some how Quinn and I got in the habit of watching Glee reruns everyday. She liked the singing and dancing, and so it happen. Sue me. But then we watched (and fell in love with) the season finale, and this innocent little lazy mom slip up became a problem.
Quinn was obsessed with the scene where the character (whose name happens to also be Quinn) has a baby complete with screaming and pushing choreographed to Bohemian Rhapsody. Very intense, and my Quinn would ask to see it over and over again. Sometimes as a mom I just miss it. I didn't get it. I thought she liked the dancing. But turns out that Quinn likes to repeatedly re-watch things that scare her to death. I didn't understand this because I have the opposite reaction. The other night I forbid Tim to watch a special on David Blane because magic (unless written by J.K.) scares me and gives me nightmares. If someone even jokes that there will be "sawing a woman in half," (even if it were on Sesame Street), I would undoubtedly leave the room. So, anyway, I thought Quinn was interested in birth, and it turns out that this very mature scene scared and confused her. We weened the show out of our activity repertoire, and I tried to be a better mom after that.
So, the story continues. I am pregnant and really sick, and all I want to do in the evenings is sit and watch TV. I rented a moving on AppleTV last night, and I remembered that Tim bought me the movie, "The Business of Being Born" on our AppleTV when I was pregnant with McKenna. I thought it would be relaxing to watch, and there might be some parts that Quinn could watch to learn about mommies and babies.
She said, "What's this?" And I said, "Oh, look, see that is a mommy with a baby in her tummy, and she is going to have the baby soon. This is a movie about mommies having babies."
She said, "I want to watch it. Where did the mommy go! I want to watch the mommy and the baby (as the film goes on to lots of other topics and visuals.)
I finally started fast forwarding until said mommy was having her water birth. "I want to see the baby in the mommy's tummy!! That baby is on the outside."
I said, "I know. But didn't you see that baby just came out of that mommy's vagina. That is the baby that was in her tummy. Cool!" We watched a few more time, but the view was obstructed by the water in the tub.
Quinn said, "No, mommy, I want to see a mommy crying on a bed with a baby in her tummy!"
Oh, dear, if you have seen the documentary in question, you would know that this quote from Quinn would have made a great talking point for the film. But, I digress.
So, then I explained to Quinn that Mommy's screaming on a bed is pretend on TV, but these mommies are real on TV. She watched a few more births and seems to get really into it. I thought it was fine because her eyes were not wide and silent like with Glee, they were big and bright with energy and learning. (Ah, the ideal thoughts of a young mom.)
Then I said out of the blue, "Quinn do you want to see mommy having a baby come out of her tummy? Do you want to see McKenna come out of mommy's vagina?" I pulled out the iPhoto and looked for the video, which I had tastefully hidden and never watched all the way through. (I was grateful to have it, but not quite "there" yet.) We watched the video, and Quinn seemed excited to see that it was in fact mommy and daddy in the video. I sat there fascinated and excited, because, like I said, I had not seen it before. I thought it was such a miracle that when the baby came out ... in that very first moment ... it was so obviously my McKenna. I was really touched. I turned to Quinn, and I said, "Do you wanted to watch it again." (Since we have basically never seen anything once in our house.) She would not have even needed to speak because her eyes (3 year old eyes that have seen a little too much) said it all. She looked at me and so politely said, "No, thanks, that's yucks." (Or something to that effect.)
For example, when I started my new job and the days were so long, I had to sit and do nothing but hold my babies when I got home. Some how Quinn and I got in the habit of watching Glee reruns everyday. She liked the singing and dancing, and so it happen. Sue me. But then we watched (and fell in love with) the season finale, and this innocent little lazy mom slip up became a problem.
Quinn was obsessed with the scene where the character (whose name happens to also be Quinn) has a baby complete with screaming and pushing choreographed to Bohemian Rhapsody. Very intense, and my Quinn would ask to see it over and over again. Sometimes as a mom I just miss it. I didn't get it. I thought she liked the dancing. But turns out that Quinn likes to repeatedly re-watch things that scare her to death. I didn't understand this because I have the opposite reaction. The other night I forbid Tim to watch a special on David Blane because magic (unless written by J.K.) scares me and gives me nightmares. If someone even jokes that there will be "sawing a woman in half," (even if it were on Sesame Street), I would undoubtedly leave the room. So, anyway, I thought Quinn was interested in birth, and it turns out that this very mature scene scared and confused her. We weened the show out of our activity repertoire, and I tried to be a better mom after that.
So, the story continues. I am pregnant and really sick, and all I want to do in the evenings is sit and watch TV. I rented a moving on AppleTV last night, and I remembered that Tim bought me the movie, "The Business of Being Born" on our AppleTV when I was pregnant with McKenna. I thought it would be relaxing to watch, and there might be some parts that Quinn could watch to learn about mommies and babies.
She said, "What's this?" And I said, "Oh, look, see that is a mommy with a baby in her tummy, and she is going to have the baby soon. This is a movie about mommies having babies."
She said, "I want to watch it. Where did the mommy go! I want to watch the mommy and the baby (as the film goes on to lots of other topics and visuals.)
I finally started fast forwarding until said mommy was having her water birth. "I want to see the baby in the mommy's tummy!! That baby is on the outside."
I said, "I know. But didn't you see that baby just came out of that mommy's vagina. That is the baby that was in her tummy. Cool!" We watched a few more time, but the view was obstructed by the water in the tub.
Quinn said, "No, mommy, I want to see a mommy crying on a bed with a baby in her tummy!"
Oh, dear, if you have seen the documentary in question, you would know that this quote from Quinn would have made a great talking point for the film. But, I digress.
So, then I explained to Quinn that Mommy's screaming on a bed is pretend on TV, but these mommies are real on TV. She watched a few more births and seems to get really into it. I thought it was fine because her eyes were not wide and silent like with Glee, they were big and bright with energy and learning. (Ah, the ideal thoughts of a young mom.)
Then I said out of the blue, "Quinn do you want to see mommy having a baby come out of her tummy? Do you want to see McKenna come out of mommy's vagina?" I pulled out the iPhoto and looked for the video, which I had tastefully hidden and never watched all the way through. (I was grateful to have it, but not quite "there" yet.) We watched the video, and Quinn seemed excited to see that it was in fact mommy and daddy in the video. I sat there fascinated and excited, because, like I said, I had not seen it before. I thought it was such a miracle that when the baby came out ... in that very first moment ... it was so obviously my McKenna. I was really touched. I turned to Quinn, and I said, "Do you wanted to watch it again." (Since we have basically never seen anything once in our house.) She would not have even needed to speak because her eyes (3 year old eyes that have seen a little too much) said it all. She looked at me and so politely said, "No, thanks, that's yucks." (Or something to that effect.)
Shopping!
McKenna needs a whole new wardrobe!! Quinn was only a 18-24 month/ 2T for like 3 months in the middle of the summer. Kenna shows no signs of even crossing into 2T. So, I guess it is shopping time!! I have my Old Navy cart all stocked and ready for the sale this weekend. It is like my fantasy come true. (Hand me downs also welcome, of course.)
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The maternity veil
My friend Heidi said in best during her second pregnancy when she said, "The maternity veil was very good to me." In other words, she had not remembered any of the horrible events and feelings that came with her first pregnancy, and so she rolled right into baby number 2 as blind as a bat. Oh, the maternity veil. Oh, how we forget.
But I think it is important to remember the facts the way they happen ... if anything ... for my future sanity and the sanity of my posterity. For example, I have already heard myself say the following things several times, "I can't believe how sick I feel. There is no way I felt this sick last time." Blah, blah, blah.
Oh, but without even cheating by checking my blog, if I think really hard, the truth surfaces. With Quinn, I remember sitting in my office EVERYDAY from WEEKS 6 to 8 with my head in the trash can. There was no throwing up yet, but that was the only place I felt safe. Then at 7 weeks I went to New Mexico for a conference. I could not eat anything, and I missed 2/3 of the event because I could not get out of bed in my hotel room. Then at 9 weeks I canceled a very important business trip and canceled an invitation to speak at an important event 4 weeks later because I could not image being able to a) write my presentation b) get to the event without dying.
The details are a little foggier with McKenna, and I really do not think I felt as sick. But I do remember that at 10 weeks with Quinn and 12 with McKenna I finally starting throwing up and it felt like I had won the lottery. Throwing up felt so much better than feeling sick all day.
So, as I sit here thinking, there is no way I would EVER sign up for this torture again ... I know that I will because I will forget it all.
Hopefully this blog, my dear friend, will keep me straight, but I fear there is no beating the maternity veil.
But I think it is important to remember the facts the way they happen ... if anything ... for my future sanity and the sanity of my posterity. For example, I have already heard myself say the following things several times, "I can't believe how sick I feel. There is no way I felt this sick last time." Blah, blah, blah.
Oh, but without even cheating by checking my blog, if I think really hard, the truth surfaces. With Quinn, I remember sitting in my office EVERYDAY from WEEKS 6 to 8 with my head in the trash can. There was no throwing up yet, but that was the only place I felt safe. Then at 7 weeks I went to New Mexico for a conference. I could not eat anything, and I missed 2/3 of the event because I could not get out of bed in my hotel room. Then at 9 weeks I canceled a very important business trip and canceled an invitation to speak at an important event 4 weeks later because I could not image being able to a) write my presentation b) get to the event without dying.
The details are a little foggier with McKenna, and I really do not think I felt as sick. But I do remember that at 10 weeks with Quinn and 12 with McKenna I finally starting throwing up and it felt like I had won the lottery. Throwing up felt so much better than feeling sick all day.
So, as I sit here thinking, there is no way I would EVER sign up for this torture again ... I know that I will because I will forget it all.
Hopefully this blog, my dear friend, will keep me straight, but I fear there is no beating the maternity veil.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
So sick
Well, I guess it is a good sign, but I am so sick and so tired. Dear me. It is very hard to keep two little ones happy and entertained while you can only function while sleep in bed. Again, dear me. 6 weeks down. Let's do this.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Pregnant Again
I'm due April 16. That is a long time to wait and worry. But seriously my children are so adorable that it is worth it of course.
So far my nose is on fire. Everything smells. Not stink but smell. Everything. I'm also pretty tired. Progesterone levels are high. Fingers crossed.
So far my nose is on fire. Everything smells. Not stink but smell. Everything. I'm also pretty tired. Progesterone levels are high. Fingers crossed.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Kenna Gets Videos Too
I put together this movie about Kenna in hopes that I will always remember: Her love of Shoes, how she eats bananas, how she learned to "Crawl" and how she dances.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Honesty is the best policy
A friend of mine made me so sad today when she said she has to stop reading her friends' blogs because all the perfectness and happiness depresses her. I got to enlighten her to the truth** that her friends are lying.
We all do it sometimes. We show only the best pictures or only tell the happy stories. I don't blame them most of the time. It is not that I want a word for work account of a person's last crazy fight with their spouse, but a little perspective would be nice. I think a lot of people just blog about their "amazing" trip to the beach/ museum/ event/ party/ play land so they can feel better about the fact that they just spent $45.00 on the worst/ most boring/ or just mediocre afternoon ever.
I've been there. I have been in the middle of a "non-event" and think "but look at that one great picture I just got, and I could blog this and this and this." It is not on purpose. It is really a form of self-preservation and quite a perfect "Fake it 'til you make it" gesture. I get that. We all want our lives to be or feel a certain way, and that is totally ok. But I just beg everyone to remember that the grass always looks greener to the people on the other side, and it doesn't help if you are painting your grass. So give me a little honesty would you? For my dear friends' sake if nothing else.
In the spirit of honesty, might I provide an example:
I took my kids to the Highland Fling city festival today. I put the kids in the car at 8:45 (9:09 a.m. ) because we had to drive to Lehi on our way to pick up our bountiful basket (see different post). But the B.B. truck was late. We sat in the care for an hour. i was pretty sure we missed the parade, and I was going to have to tell Quinn that something else is in fact a "parade" to get her to stop begging to go to a parade. McKenna cried the whole way to the "Parade." But much to my surprise, we got a great parking spot at the end of the parade route just as the first float was driving by. McKenna screamed when the fire engine sounded its siren, and I seriously doubted my choice to come. Quinn stayed right by my side instead of running to catch candy with the other kids. What were we doing there? But eventually we crossed the street, found a neighbor, got a good seat and got into it. Quinn was catch candy like a pro and McKenna was watching, crawling, and sometimes dancing away from me. That girl really loves music. She loved the marching bands. Sometimes she would follow Quinn to try to find candy, but of course the candy was long gone by the time she got to it. So she would crawl even farther, and I would be dodging people and cheerleaders to bring her back. After the parade, I took the girls to the stage to watch some Irish Dancing. Some of it was cool, but it reminds of that line from Friends about Riverdance that Chandler says during the quiz show they do. Very funny. We ended up at the playground while I explained to Quinn why she could not bounce on the bouncy toys because we are going to do that next weekend at Alpine Days with Asher. Kenna ate some sand, and then we went to the booths to find some lunch. Quinn got to pick whatever she wanted ... she picked a root beer in a beer bottle with a cork. $2.50. It was pretty funny. I gave Kenna some of the "Spicy Juice" as we call it, and she was covered with dark brown root beer on her light pink shirt for the rest of the day. Nice. The girls danced and played back over at the main stage to a country band that Tim might have hated if he had been with us instead of at work. I cruised the arts and crafts booths in about 4 minutes, and we headed to the car. All in all, I enjoyed myself with the girls, forgot to feed Kenna, and I probably would have been really stressed if Tim had been there. I loved the idea of heading back to the event after naps and once Tim came home, but we were all so tired. (Tim and I, of course.) So now as I sit here having a perfecting pleasant evening at home with my family, I feel like I am missing out, but I think hard enough, I know I am not.
The girls watching the main stage.
McKenna watching the band.
Quinn eating a stick.** Please note that I neglected my family a little to bring this blog post to you.
Bountiful Baskets
A huge thanks to Melissa for telling me about Bountiful Baskets. I am so excited. I picked up my first basket today, and I am sold forever. Bountiful Baskets in a non-profit volunteer organization that basically finds good deals on produce from distributors and sells it to people for a small contribution. Basically today for $15 I had three huge and heavy bags full of fruits and veggies. This week the basket has: 8 or so peaches, a bag of purple seedless grapes, a cantaloupe, a tone of bananas, a dozen pears, store-sized box of strawberries, two bunches of celery, a bunch of broccoli, a head of lettuce, a small bag of carrots and 4 huge red bell peppers. Amazing. I paid $15, which is the minimum contribute, but I have decided to pay more. I would hate for something like this so go away, and so I feel like it is my duty to pay my part or more.
Also, I am looking for an Alpine neighbor to sign up to head the first B.B. site in Alpine. I am thinking we could distribute outside of city hall or Heritage park. I was going to offer my house, but then someone so kindly reminded me that that means I would need to be home every Saturday. Yikes. That is a big commitment. But, either way, I think this is exactly the volunteer thing I need right now. I feel a strong desire to do it, so we'll see how that turns out.
Also, I have every intention of uploading a picture of my goods from today, but that would involve getting up to find a wire and upload these pics. No thanks. However, if you see me on the street or if I hear you talking about fruit or food or basically anything, I will probably stop you and how you my pics as if they are gold medals. I am very proud.
Also, I am looking for an Alpine neighbor to sign up to head the first B.B. site in Alpine. I am thinking we could distribute outside of city hall or Heritage park. I was going to offer my house, but then someone so kindly reminded me that that means I would need to be home every Saturday. Yikes. That is a big commitment. But, either way, I think this is exactly the volunteer thing I need right now. I feel a strong desire to do it, so we'll see how that turns out.
Also, I have every intention of uploading a picture of my goods from today, but that would involve getting up to find a wire and upload these pics. No thanks. However, if you see me on the street or if I hear you talking about fruit or food or basically anything, I will probably stop you and how you my pics as if they are gold medals. I am very proud.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Catching Up or Quitting
So, don't be mad, but i might stop blogging for awhile. Not sure why, but I just have not been in the mood. Maybe I won't stop blogging, but maybe I will say good night to this blog and start another one.
Basically, I realized that i would like to go back and keep a journal. Now, realistically there is only like 1 percent difference between what I tell you all and what I tell myself, but there is that little difference. I know if I keep two ... one or both will be neglected.
So, as I type, I am coming up with a compromise. What if I agree to post my thoughts here every now and then, and then I keep another blog just for the girls -- pics, stories, momisms and the like. Then I will also keep my journal. McKenna's blog is done basically because I only intended to keep that for the first year. But since everyone's baby book should have the day they walked written in it, I guess I'll have to wait.
So much to say and so little time. But work gets in the way, and my thoughts and my desire to move my body instead of sit and type too much. It is tricky.
Any ideas?
Basically, I realized that i would like to go back and keep a journal. Now, realistically there is only like 1 percent difference between what I tell you all and what I tell myself, but there is that little difference. I know if I keep two ... one or both will be neglected.
So, as I type, I am coming up with a compromise. What if I agree to post my thoughts here every now and then, and then I keep another blog just for the girls -- pics, stories, momisms and the like. Then I will also keep my journal. McKenna's blog is done basically because I only intended to keep that for the first year. But since everyone's baby book should have the day they walked written in it, I guess I'll have to wait.
So much to say and so little time. But work gets in the way, and my thoughts and my desire to move my body instead of sit and type too much. It is tricky.
Any ideas?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
