So Tired

I haven't blogged anything really real or emotional lately because I am just too tired. Ouray and our new life are kicking my butt. I have no balance. We have no balance, and I am exhausted. Lots of outdoor adventuring and not enough making guacamole in my clean kitchen while talking to a friend or watching a show that didn't make my prime time cut. Not enough being done with the laundry (or owning a laundry basket). Not enough of that delicious feeling that the hard work is done and a minute to think, gee, what should i do now? Instead it feels like a lot of running. Play first, skip everything else. I kind of hate it. We have been trying to come up with a schedule, but like so many things in this fellow family -- we share a grand plan and our executions of said plan are on different planets. We have been practicing marriage for 10 years, and you would think by now we would know to iron out the details before we agree to something big. Regardless of the details. I have no balance, and I am so tired. It is 10:09 pm. My kids have been asleep for like 14 minutes, and I am typing this in a towel after my shower because I am too tired to lift my arms and put on clothes. We spent the last 5 hours climbing with the kids for Family Climbing Tuesday -- a great idea that we all love so much -- that makes mom so tired that we will probably eat garage for two days because I am two tired to bend down and get vegetables out of the crisper drawer or clear enough dirty dishes out of the sink to rinse out the vitamix.

It's ok that this is hard. But I am in a phase where I think -- and sometimes say -- things like -- Our new life makes me tired; let's go home.

I've been saying "home" a lot lately referring to Utah. I guess as I see the hard parts about life in Ouray, it is easier to give Utah the love it deserved. I don't want to go back, but many great memories are creeping in, and it annoys me that some new finally moved into our old house. Someone else has my brand new square foot garden. Someone else has our old fruit trees and our new berry bushes. And I've got weeds and dying starts -- and fruit stand that sells pot.

Ouray, you are making me tired. Tim, you are making me tired. Marriage, you are still hard. Children, I'm exhausted. See ... Lots of great things wear us out. I'm pretty sure it is not just me. If it is, oh well. I've been the black sheep before. I'll figure it out.

Please notice the picture of my dying flowers. I bought them yesterday. They are dying today. Its a metaphor.