A New Mom Again

It is not just a catchy phrase in my blog title -- I really do love babies. I am so excited that McKenna is finally here. She is exactly what I pictured and hoped for when I fought for her name for all these months. She's a little bit Quinn and a little bit me with thick dark hair and a love for sleeping. Her voice is soft like her daddy's, but she is not afraid to use it ... only if she really has to. She came fast, nurses great, and looks beautiful wrapped in a handmade quilt. When the nurses comment on her amazing hair and sculpted lips, I just say, "That is how I ordered her. I wanted a little one with a face like my toddler and dark, dark hair." And then I let them know that I put in this order SOOOO long ago that it is only fair that I get what I wanted. With Quinn I told everyone I wanted a little girl that looked like her cousin Drake. Done. Made to order.

Everything about caring for my Avery McKenna is coming back fast. I did forget to burp her the first couple of times she ate, but no one (but all of you) has to know. She eats on a schedule, loves the same passeys as Quinn, and sleeps like an angel who wants her mom to have plenty of time to blog.

It is such a gift to get to hold McKenna and take care of her in the hospital. We didn't have that luxury with Quinn since she was stuck in a level 2 nursery all hooked up to wires for three days. After we had McKenna with us for a few hours yesterday, Tim and I sort of looked at each other like, "What do we do with her now?" Last time every minute of the day was about checking on her, sneaking visitors in to see her, teaching her (and me) to nurse and worrying. It is almost too easy this time around. As I said to my friend in a text a little while ago, "Everything is going so well that it makes me feel ordinary." And as she put it, when it comes to birth, ordinary is perfect.

We'll be heading home tomorrow, and I have a little anxiety about becoming a family of four under one roof. I know it will work out eventually, but I can feel Quinn's confusion, and I sense her coping with the change and possible pain. It breaks my heart. I have guilt about how to have all the right feelings, but you know I am not one to fake it. I plan to allow myself the space to learn and grow and become a new mom to a new family with a new sound. I'll probably mess up a bit, but I guess that is part of being ordinary.