Rejection and Hope

Dear me. Rejection is probably the worst feeling in the whole world. In fact, the only reason I considered not applying to graduate school for a PH.D. was because I didn't want to face rejection. It is just so hard to shake. I hate it.

I've been keeping quiet about my applications because I didn't want to risk anyone in power seeing my hand. But now that I have heard from most programs, I am pretty safe.

So, I applied to five programs in December. (I thought I had applied to a 6th one, but apparently some time around Christmas, I changed my mind, didn't apply and then forgot that I didn't apply.) I applied to 2 programs at BYU and 3 programs at the University of Utah.

I think only 4 (maybe 3) of the programs narrow candidates down to a finalists pool. I made the finals for 2 programs -- Marriage and Family Therapy at BYU and Counseling Psychology at the U. Each of these departments invited me for an 8 hour interview with the other finalists. I went to the BYU interview on Feb. 1. I couldn't tell if they loved me or hated me. In the end, they hated me, and they told me that I was too loud and too intense. Dear me. I was only at about 40 percent of my personality at the interview, so they really would not have liked the real me.

The BYU rejection shook me especially when I didn't make the finalist pool in the other BYU program I applied to. Wow, they really hate me over there. I am not going to say the feeling is mutual. I might of really liked it there. But most likely .... wink, wink

I went to the interview at the U on Friday, and it felt like home. I loved the people, the energy and the interview process. I have my fingers crossed so tightly, they could break, but I won't find out until March 5.

Today I heard from the Social Work program at the U. Their committee decided that my Master's degree is not closely enough related to social work to allow me to start their PhD without a master's of social work. However, the people in this program are amazing, and they are going to bat with the master's program there to get me accepted as a late applicant, which would be amazing.

I haven't heard from the University of Utah clinical psychology program yet, and I am not expecting good news. I never saw myself as a clinical psych person, but I really love the research they are doing over there. It was worth a shot.

So, again, it is down to the counseling psych program at the U. I think I could really feel at home there, and I have already decided what to research and how to blaze through their program.

All and all, I feel very proud of what I have accomplished this year. It was only last January that I decided to make this career change. I took 3 advanced undergraduate courses in psychology, wrote a few major research papers, got great letters of recommendation from my new teachers, wrote 5 different (amazing) letters of intent, and filled out and paid for all 5 applications.

I am most proud of becoming a finalist in the counseling psych program. This was the program that originally encouraged me to go for the gold in the first place. I only started applying to other programs when I realized how competitive the program would be to get in to. But in the end, I was one of 14 people who make the cut from 88 applicants. That is something to be proud of, and it is something to motivate me if I have to do this all again next year.

So, there you have it, a lot of rejection and a little hope.

But hope is what we live for anyway, and all that rejection will make the gold shine brighter.