Drama for the Mama

Once upon a time I was really dramatic and loud and emotional. Then I got a little older and a little more balanced. Then I got married and a little quieter. Then I went on Zoloft and got a lot less up and down. I am still a crazy nut to normal standards, but I can basically hold things together these days.

But today I got a text in church from my Nanny saying her baby cries too much all night and she is so tired .... then she quit. What? (All the more reason not to text in church. Am I being punished?)

I stepped out of the room and burst into tears. Literally. BURST INTO TEARS. I was seriously channeling middle school. I wasn't even sure what to do about it. Do you just cry in the hall? Go outside? Find a bathroom stall? There are people everywhere. They are bound to see you.

But the nice thing about bawling at church is that most people will assume you are just overcome by the grace of Jesus. Most people won't even stop you to ask if you are OK. They will just talk by and think, "Wow, she must be doing somethin' right. Amen."

I took a minute outside. I assumed that the tears would stop. They didn't. So I had to focus and really pull myself together. At work I would have been a dead ringer for an emotional mess, but at church I was safe.

I feel better now. I found a temporary replacement for the girls who starts Friday. But I can't even go into how awful and guilty and horrible I feel. I guess I had more emotions built up then I realized. But they were well hidden because I honestly did not know they were there.

Thanks, Zoloft. I guess you did something right.

On that note: I am starting the weening process from Zoloft. After today you might ask if that is such a great idea. The answer: Not sure. Keep on the look out for a crazy person. If you see her, let me know.