Part of the Recipe?

I'm bleeding. And cramping. And I kind of want to die.

It might be a miscarriage. But it also might be the crazy thing that went down when I was 8 weeks pregnant with McKenna. I had a subchorionic bleed. I bleed for like a month. I only cramped for like a few days. Let's hope whatever is happening this time stops soon, 'cause it hurts.

There is really no way to know. Last time I had flow, clots, cramps, the whole works. Looked just like a miscarriage, but it turned into the most beautiful baby on the planet.

The spotting started yesterday. I don't have great feelings about where this is headed this time. But, again, there is no way to know. I had to go sit in the hospital for 3 hours today to get a rhogam shot for my negative blood. That always makes this seem more dramatic. Then I got home and the cramping and wanting to kill my kids also makes this seem more dramatic.

But thinking brightly. Here are a few indicators that I still might be pregnant:
1. The cramps are not so bad that I can't function ... kind of.
2. I still get really light headed every time I stand up like I have this whole (short) pregnancy.
3. I am quick to get really pissed and angry ... sure 1st trimester sign for me.
4. The flow could be worse.
5. Mild drugs take the edge off ... a little.
6. I'm not "sure" what is happening. And Kristie is always "sure" when her pregnancies are over.

So, it's not such, but it is something to hold on too.

But, again, I am not holding on that tightly.

P.S. When Quinn found out that mom was sick, and it might hurt the baby. She said, "Wait, mommy, are you talking about the baby in your tummy or McKenna?" She's got perspective. And I have the sweetest little babies.

If anyone asks, McKenna was born on June 15 and not June 8 ... at least for this year because I can not pull something together for tomorrow!!