Back to Normal

So 10 days with the girls finally caught up to Tim. I think he about reached his limit a few days ago when he started sending me cute count down texts. 2 days, 1 days, 20 hours. We both learned a lot in our days apart. Mostly the following:

1. Man was not meant to be alone ... with the children
2. What in the world did I ever do to fill my time before marriage? Before kids? I thought I was so busy back then. I guess I was busy "becoming" the mom and woman I am today. Yada, yada, yada.
3. I hate dishes. I only did them once while they were away.
4. McKenna is in fact that spicey little girl we thought she might be. She officially pulls Quinn's hair on purpose and screams like a crazy person.
5. Travel money should be spent in the following order: husband and wife vacations first, parents and kids vacations second, trips with siblings and their families third, trips with an entire extended family all the way across the country without your wife and with two children ages 3 and 1 in a very hot place .... you decide.
6. My life has a lot more meaning at the end of the day if I spent it with my family.
7. I should never spend money on a handicraft ... they never turn out ... see previous post. Pictures of disaster to be posted soon.
8. I still spend too much money on small, cheap things and not enough on quality things.
9. I feel like I never want to be away from my girls again, and deep down I am scared McKenna will not remember me. This is a horrible feeling. So no girls' nights or friend vacay's for me for awhile, so don't even ask.
10. "Trauma" is a good show. (This is not a sadistic metaphor. It is a real show, and I like it.)
Bonus: It is possible to get McKenna to fall asleep away from her crib, but only Tim knows how to do it.

I am in the airport right now waiting to fly to Arizona to meet Tim and the girls. I am really excited to see them. I hope we can all just lay on the couch and just hold each other for like 5 hours. I'll be awake, and they'll probably be sleeping since they have been traveling since 2 a.m. Sounds like heaven. I hope McKenna doesn't pull my hair ...

Building Something

I am not handy, and this is not changing anytime soon. And although I guess I am a creative thinker (ideas, theories and meaning), my hands lack the skills to create. However, about every 5 years I get an idea, and I become obsessed with creating the vision that is in my mind.

When I was 8 or so, I had in my mind this amazing and beautiful creation that would be a quit smoking survival kit for my dad. The large box would be raised up on a stick about 12 inches and would spin like a Lazy Susan. Each side of the box would have holes, flaps and openings for things my dad would eat or use to prevent him from smoking at any given time. The main materials for this creation were to come from my own gum ball machine. The gum ball machine would be accessible through one of the openings in the front of the box, and it would dispense jelly bellies, my dad's favorite. There would be a little shelve with life savers, openings for gum and other candy, and an emergencies only hole in the back with a pack of Marlboro's and a lighter, which I would put there so he would know I love him either way.

The final product was incredibly ugly. The glass from the gum ball machine broke during the building process and was replaced with a plastic bag or something. It was painted black with misspelled labels written in sloppy red paint. And now that I think about it, I am not sure it was refillable. But my dad kept it for a very long time.

Another time I fashioned a floppy disk file for him out of a plastic slinky and some globs of clay. (Pictured above, courtesy of my dad.)

I made a hand painted sign for a friend before she left on a life changing trip to Europe. It turned out ok. And I painted that shelf for Quinn's closet, which is super cute.

But for the most part, my creations do not usually turn out, and I don't have the patience to really do it right or fix it when it starts to go wrong. I like to start and finish in one day, which is usually not practical. I also hate to go from store to store to get supplies. Add all of this to my inexperience and my natural disability to measure, cut, draw, paint, or design, and you end up with a lot of Quit Smoking Survival Kits.

So, here we go again. I have a vision for a magic bulletin board. I think bulletin boards are really sloppy. I had bulletin board space in the office, and so now I want some in my home office. But I don't want my guest room/ office to look too much like an office. So, I have created in my head the "Wall art hidden Bulletin board." Basically, it will look like a framed piece of art work hanging on the wall over my desk, but the piece would open like shutters and expose 4 bulletin board panels where I can put cheat sheets, student info, and other fast facts I need on the phone. When I am done working, I can close the side panels and leave behind a clean looking office with a beautiful piece of art on the wall. It is a good theory and a fun idea.

1) I don't really need this because I saw a girl at academic meetings with all these papers in a binder, which is just as useful.
2) It is bound to not turn out.
3) It is bound to cost me a lot of money on it's road to not turning out.

But it is in my head and ready to go. I am trying to limit disaster by really thinking it through before I start. Anytime I make a change, I try to REALLY, REALLY think about how that will change it. I watched some videos online this morning about how to make various things like fabric covered boards and stuffed bulletin boards for photos. I figure if I study the art of the things people already do, I will be able to not botch my invention so badly.

The trick will be in the hinges and in the two end panels. The hinges have to be a little complex. Just normal hinges would prevent the boards from closing completely together once there are papers and pins on them. The hinges have to suspend the outside boards out a little further. The second tricky part is the inside side of the outside panels. I will be using a stuffed photo board technique for creating the "piece of art." But I need to do it in a way that the back side will look good when the boards are all open. Tricky, tricky.

So, I have a list of materials, a drawing of the design, a list of problems, along with zero measuring and no fabric.

Wish me luck!

Spittle Test

One of the things I had to do to know if i had candida overgrowth was the spit test. I'm enclosing the directions. If you have stomach pain, bladder problems or infertility or especially a combination of these things, take it!!! You never know!!

!	FREE and EASY Candida Yeast Test

Might I have a problem with Candida Yeast? You can try this simple test to find out. First thing in the morning, before you put ANYTHING in your mouth, fill a clear glass with room temperature Bottled Water. Work up a bit of saliva, then spit it into the glass of water. Check the water every 15 minutes or so for up to one hour. If you have a potential problem, you will see strings (like legs) traveling down into the water from the saliva floating on the top, or "cloudy" saliva will sink to the bottom of the glass, or cloudy specks will seem to be suspended in the water. If there are no strings and the saliva is still floating after at least one hour, you probably have Candida under control, and have nothing to worry about. Congratulations.

! The Results What can I do if the test shows positive? First, talk this over with your health care provider, as soon as possible. Next, contact the person that sent you to this web page, they may have some helpful specific suggestions. Be aware that a Candida Yeast problem can be pretty difficult to deal with, especially after it has had enough time to get established and be causing you problems. It may not be easy, and it may take a while to impact the situation, be patient, and work on it everyday. Your good health is at stake!

New weight, new swim suit

I thought I might be losing weight for the following reasons:

pants fit better
don't have to change 3 times a morning to find clothes that cover my tummy loosely
can feel where my weights is supposed to be, once was or will be in the future
I don't eat anything that taste good

That said, I was not sure what poundage we were talking about.

Then I found a new bathing suit for $20 on my trip. When i set out to buy one, i did not care if it fit. I just wanted something that would work in the hot tub at the hotel. But I feel in love with my suit. But there is the bottom line. If you love your bathing suit, you probably love your body and vice versa. The more I loved my bathing suit, the more i realized, I have probably lost a lot of weight.

Ground total as of July 15, 2010 and 8 weeks off sugar with almost NO exercise: 15 pounds!

That is hard core. But again I deserve it since everything I eat looks like a 1950's supper sans the bread. Sucks but it is great. I feel so much better in my tummy and I am loving my new bathing suit.

The Jill's

All that said (previous post), I had a nice time with people at the academic meetings, and I didn't spend nearly as much time in my room as I was planning to.

I loved spending time with my new friend Jillian from Ohio and learning about her life and her family. I don't always meet a lot of people like me. I have a lot of dear, close friends who I adore. They bring deep meaning in my life, and the fact that they are different from me problem makes the friendships even stronger because we all have things to give and take and all that jazz.

But meeting Jill was really cool and really interesting. We had a lot of things in common: our thoughts, actions, attitudes, education, (same job, of course), parenting style, same illness (she has candida problems, too!). We've both faced infertility, and we scored the same on the true colors personality test. We both would both wanted to get Ph.D.'s but accepted this job instead of going back to school. Were both not sure if we regret it yet. Scared of the same things. Cared more about our families than the academic meetings. Both born with the name "Jill Marie." (I dropped Marie and she added "ian" to make it Jillian since that what people would call her anyway.) We spent a lot of time together. She was a little more laid back than I am, and then we realized this is probably because she is on Zoloft and I just weened. I was louder than her when we got in groups ... but I am louder than everyone when i get in groups .... She worries about a few more details than I do ... because I let Zoloft take that away, and I am never letting it back in. Amen.

We met at work a few days before the meetings, and then we got to talking the very first night because she had taken the trax over to the temple with her co-workers so they could go shopping a the Gateway Mall. I thought they had walked. So, when we got on the phone, and she said they were lost at the Temple (Ironic), I said, "Wow, you got there fast, I'll come meet you and walk you to the mall (3 blocks away.)" She thought I was driving. I walked ... fast ... because i figured if they walked that fast, I better do it too. When she told her group I was coming with my car and they would not all fit, most of them forged ahead accept a women with horrible blisters. (been there, done that.) So when i got there on foot and dripping from my pits, I was of little use. We left the gimp on the side of the road and head to walk BACK to the hotel. It's a long walk, and Jillian and I got to talk the whole time. Loved it. Jillian about died when she realized how far the hotel was and that I had walked there. The girl back on the street by the temple was all pissed that we were talked so long to "go get the car," which she thought was parked around the corner from the temple. Oops. Lots of misunderstandings led to lots of walking and chatting.

The next day Jillian and I headed to the mall to buy bathing suits and found way cute ones for $20 at the Gap. That is a great outing. You never find what you need when you need something specific ASAP. It was cool.

Anyway, I am excited to have a new friend. Party time every 6 months in Salt Lake City! And by party time I mean chat with our feet in the hot tub, of course. What else is there? :)

It's work; It's not camp.

So, Tim and the girls left Tuesday to head to phoenix and then Maine, and I headed to SLC for a conference for work. On my drive to Salt Lake City, I told my mom I was a little nervous about going to this conference for the first time. (I'll be going every 6 months.) I told her I was a bit (only a bit) worried that any feelings I had of being lonely or insecure as a child would come back, and I could feel like the loser at camp with no friends and with a desire to be in the cool group or be accepted by others. We laughed about it, of course, because let's be real. I am an adult with a family, and I was only drive to work after all. Something I've done every day for years. But still. We were laughing about the truth.

But when I got there I felt perfectly comfortable the whole time. Granted, I did have friends there who seemed to like me and care if I was there or not, but, the irony is, I didn't need that. (And shout out to my new friend Jill from Ohio, who is really, really neat to be with!!!!)

For example, at meal times I would go through the line and get my food and sit down at any table. People would walk by and give me that sympathy look and say things like, "Oh, Jill, you should have to eat alone. I'm sitting over there, and we can squeeze you in too." I would just smile and say, "Oh, that is really sweet, but I am really perfectly happy right here. Thanks." If they insist that I can not eat alone, (even though by this time my table would be filling up with plenty of wonderful strangers,) then I would light-heartedly say, "No really. It's not camp. I'm fine, but thanks so much."

I think my, "It's not camp," perspective helped some other people feel better. (Because trust me plenty of people were having flashbacks of the elementary school yard.)

I already have teammates and a cheerleaders. They were in Maine, and I had no desire to replace them while they were gone. I didn't feel the need to change who I was or shape myself differently or go with the crowd. It was a nice feeling. I'm sure I have felt it before, but it is always nice to feel grounded and at peace. Especially since all those years of not feeling that way as a child can linger for a long time.)

On my real team everybody adores me. It's great.