It's work; It's not camp.

So, Tim and the girls left Tuesday to head to phoenix and then Maine, and I headed to SLC for a conference for work. On my drive to Salt Lake City, I told my mom I was a little nervous about going to this conference for the first time. (I'll be going every 6 months.) I told her I was a bit (only a bit) worried that any feelings I had of being lonely or insecure as a child would come back, and I could feel like the loser at camp with no friends and with a desire to be in the cool group or be accepted by others. We laughed about it, of course, because let's be real. I am an adult with a family, and I was only drive to work after all. Something I've done every day for years. But still. We were laughing about the truth.

But when I got there I felt perfectly comfortable the whole time. Granted, I did have friends there who seemed to like me and care if I was there or not, but, the irony is, I didn't need that. (And shout out to my new friend Jill from Ohio, who is really, really neat to be with!!!!)

For example, at meal times I would go through the line and get my food and sit down at any table. People would walk by and give me that sympathy look and say things like, "Oh, Jill, you should have to eat alone. I'm sitting over there, and we can squeeze you in too." I would just smile and say, "Oh, that is really sweet, but I am really perfectly happy right here. Thanks." If they insist that I can not eat alone, (even though by this time my table would be filling up with plenty of wonderful strangers,) then I would light-heartedly say, "No really. It's not camp. I'm fine, but thanks so much."

I think my, "It's not camp," perspective helped some other people feel better. (Because trust me plenty of people were having flashbacks of the elementary school yard.)

I already have teammates and a cheerleaders. They were in Maine, and I had no desire to replace them while they were gone. I didn't feel the need to change who I was or shape myself differently or go with the crowd. It was a nice feeling. I'm sure I have felt it before, but it is always nice to feel grounded and at peace. Especially since all those years of not feeling that way as a child can linger for a long time.)

On my real team everybody adores me. It's great.