She hit the duck!

About four years ago, I wrote one of my first blog posts. It was about Baby Quinn and our Gymini toy that sits on the floor and has toys hanging over the baby. There is a duck with a chime in it. The duck was my favorite hanging toy when my niece Calli played with it 8 months before Quinn was born, and it meant a great deal to me when at 4 months (as I remember) Quinn reached out and purposely hit the duck. A real person! She hit the duck. She hit the duck! It was one of the very first beautifully exciting moments of my life as a mother.

Well, so far, Lizza has not been a fan of the Gymini. And usually when I take it out, numbers 1 and 2, get in her way, try to lay in it with her, or take the toys off and lose them. But this morning, Lizza seemed like such a big girl and while we were playing together before the others woke up, I put her in her gymini. The only toy that hangs from the once pristine and now tattered toy is, of course, the duck. And as if she had grown 10 years and 10 inches in the night, this morning my Lizza reached up and hit that duck! I about cried. A real person! She hit the duck. She hit the duck! So much love! So much excitement. She hit the duck over and over again.

It makes me a little sad that she doesn't get the attention that Quinn, Kenna or even Calli got from me at this age. But she is still my champion, and DARN IT ALL she figured it out and she hit the duck -- 3 Months and 3 weeks old. She did it.

She is getting so big, and I certainly love her to death. And while I love her now, I look forward to her turning 2. Tim and I are kind of obsessed with our 2 year olds. It will be sad when Kenna becomes a mean 4 year old, and who knows what age 6 will bring for Quinn. But we can pretty much guarantee that Lizza will get her day to shine eventually.

For now I will just take our little moment together this morning -- Lizza, mommy and the duck -- and I will ponder my great love for her in my heart ... while I wipe spit up off my shoulder.


P.S. I just found the original blog post. I'll include it below. I just read it. I might have been deeper then. I probably tried harder. I probably had more time. I certainly did not have 3 beautiful angels to look after. Here it is ... for what it is ...

May 1, 2007

My baby hit the duck on purpose!

So, I had some work today to get my grades in on time. I put Quinn on the floor on her Gymini that has toys hanging from two arches. Suddenly I realized I was hearing the same sound over and over again. It was the chime inside the duck toy. Quinn was hitting it, smiling, and then hitting it again. Oh, my gosh!!! She’s hitting the duck!!!! I stopped and watched… and watched… and watched… and watched. Wow, they really do grow up faster than you realize. I had so much joy in that moment for her. But I was also really proud of myself. I didn’t let guilt or any other sorrowful feelings get in the way. It is so easy to get emotional… she’ll never do that for the first time again, blah, blah, blah. Or I could have felt guilty for sitting in my chair with the computer in my lap the whole time. But no, I enjoyed the moment. My daughter and I can have so much fun. We can play together and learn together. But I think it is such a miracle that she can do those things without me, too. She can have her own moments. I remembered at that moment the importance of letting children of all ages feel self-motivated. She hit the duck because she wanted to. She did it again because she liked it. So, I watched from the couch. I let out a few cheers. I took a few deep breaths to soak it all in. And I just tried to let the moment happen. Good Job, Quinn. You are a good girl… whether you hit the duck or not.

I think I was extra sensitive to this moment because I picked up a book last night to read while Quinn was nursing. It is a compilation of songs, stories, recipes, games and activities that moms have used with their children throughout the ages. There was a first person article from a new mom in there. It was about how overwhelmed this mother feels when she realizes there are times she is not fully present when she is with her young son. She describes several moments that make her feel sad or inadequate and she ponders the contradiction of cheering and crying at the same time when your little one takes his first steps. She listed several moments she has witnessed where other people seemed to know something about her baby that she had never noticed. But in the end she listed several moments that are just for her and him. She remembered that there are moments so special and sacred between her and her son that they are not in the baby book or on the family blog. They are moments when she is more mother than she or anyone can even comprehend. I really love this thought that Quinn and I have a special existence that does not have to unfold to anyone’s expectations. It is ours, together and apart.