I'm Sorry

I used to yell. Then I stopped. Then I started again. Now, I am committed to stopping again. Yelling at a child is selfish. It is lazy. We tell ourselves it is in the name of discipline or to teach or to help them become who they can become. But it doesn't work, and it breaks them. Instructional yelling also does not work. Anger does not work. And so when we do it, it is because we are tired or worries or scared or lazy. So, I quit. Again.

And right after I quit, Quinn but Kenna and drew blood. (Bella much?)

I thought Tim's eyes were going to pop out of his head when he saw the mark on Kenna's trembling shoulder. He's the calm one.

I sternly told go to her room. (She didn't go, of course, and we worked it out.) later I went down, and I just explained how hurt Kenna is and how biting is basically not something humans do ... Ever.) I was pretty sweet the whole talk. Then we talked about getting frustrated and why she but her sister. I explained about being angry and "Kenna was pushing me off the bench" was not a reason or excuse to do something physical. I tried to help her understand that she has more choices and other options. Usually I do this with a much different tone. It felt very peaceful to say it out of love. I told her I was worries about Kenna, and we needed to give Kenna some space so Quinn would stay in her room until dinner. (1 hour). Then I brought down paper and gave her some projects. This is the apology card she made for Kenna. The delivery was beautiful and sincere. (And Kenna healed up quickly)

I won't get it right very often. But I want to remember that when I do -- when I really make it about what they need and what is right and kind -- mothering feels like peace and safety.