Update on my vision

No ice cream today, but I am pretty sure the kids know I love them anyway. I read a Love and Logic book this week that focused on birth to age 6. I feel a little calmer. Still no vision. Not sure what I want the future to look like, but I like the new tools I have to help me not yell and to find more joy in the teaching I want to do with my kids. I noticed the last few days, Tim would say, "What are your plans today?" Each time I said, "Um, I have no plans. This is crazy." But part of me thinks "fewer plans" is part of the vision. I had time to read my book. I had time to focus on the things I love -- whatever those are in a given moment.

It feels a little like the calm before the storm when we move next week to a new house in town, but I am enjoying the quiet time -- and for a VERY loud human -- enjoying the quiet time can be hard to do.

I want to thank all the people who have reached out to support me on my journey. I value your love and opinions. I hope people did not feel like I was in despair. I am not in despair or depression. I am just trying to be aware and trying to seek more honesty. There is no honesty without questions, inquiry, and awareness. At least for me, the search is important, and I don't want to get to the end of my life or parenting and find I was never aware of what was happening to me. That I do know. So, I feel good about where I am and good about my lack of complete vision.

I am however a little annoyed with some comments I got when my Open Heart blog post was featured in a Utah newspaper. A few men read my articles and said things like, "Oh, sad, oppressed Mormon woman, you are doing just fine." Are you kidding me? The only person oppressing me is any strange Utah man who pats women on the head and says, "You're fine. God Loves you." Seriously. So annoyed. I feel fully capable of knowing when I am living at my potential and when I am not. When I knew I wasn't, I moved and started figuring it out. Sounds like the opposite of oppressed. But I get that culture is hard and everything, hopefully, is doing the best they can. It is hard to support others when you don't know what they want or need. I'm complicated. Thanks for trying.

Ok, someone just spilled a water bottle in the car while they were cleaning out the car to earn a trip to the park. Got to go figure that one out.