The Peace of the Thin Space -- and saying goodbye to some safe spaces in Ouray

Heard a beautiful sermon today about Thin Space. This a term from Celtic Spiritually. It refers to times and places when the veil between this world and the spiritual or eternal world is thin and easier to feel. It's the idea that spaces and people can be or become a space for others that is thin in its length between them and the concept of another realm. God, peace, spirit, love -- whatever that realm is for you, the speaker called it the "thin space" -- when you can feel something beyond this reality and enjoy it.

These are sometimes fleeting but usually beautiful and enlightening moments. It sometimes bothers me when people imply that these moments end because of a wrong or a sin the feeler has committed in the past or commits in the moment. I prefer the idea that "thin space" is fleeting sometimes because it is precious.

Anyway, in the sermon, he discussed safe spaces and thin spaces, and he talked about how we can become a thin space not just so we can feel that peace within us, but so we can carry that peace around and be a thin space for others with our very presence. I love this idea.

I had been wrestling with an incident Kenna and I had the day before. I yelled so loudly and with so much anger about her basically acting like a child -- when I had pain from this never ending pregnancy with a giant baby. I was wrong and ashamed by my actions for so many reasons. But none the least of these reasons was that for in the moment i yelled and maybe much, much longer, I could not be a thin space for her. I could not make her yoke easy or her burden light. I could not be a source of peace or comfort -- instead I was darkness and sadness and pain. And that is why my failure in that moment broke my heart.

Each religion has their own rules and regulations for how to act and how not to act -- but for me when I am in THAT space, I don't need rules or guilt. In that moment when I failed so hard, the space between me and the divine was think and long and it was ever clear to me the consequences of my actions. For me, it was the most obvious sin and perhaps the only sin that will ever truly plague me. Of course the irony is that I am more capable than many of being a thin space for people. The pain of my sin is ever worsened by my failure in potential. But the vision and the goal are still beautiful to me that you or I can -- by our very energy or essence -- bring others closer to peace and light. Whatever that means to people, I want to help facilitate that. Maybe this is fancy language for "I'm trying to be like Jesus." But I think it is both more simple and more complex than that depending on how you see the world. I want to be a safe space. That's good enough for me but also something to work a lifetime to achieve.

Today as our last Sunday in Ouray comes to a close -- I tear up to say good bye to two thin spaces. The First Baptist Church of Ouray with Dan Preston and St. John's with David Vickers ( who gave this sermon on Thin Space). I needed a new safe place to process my relationship with the powers in the universe. I needed a safe place to commune with others -- like minded or not. These churches gave me that. Sometimes I just wanted to go home -- but many times the space between me and the spiritual nature in me grew very thin in these spaces, and my life was better for it.

I remember not telling poor Dan a word about who I was or why I was there. Must have drove him crazy! And when he did hear a little of my story, he didn't pry. He just kept giving my kids candy and making us feel welcome. I opened up a little more to Dave, but I also told him I'd take sacrament only when I wanted and in my own way. He was fine with that. He was safe. They both helped me get my power back. They loved my children, and they gave us room and space. And they spoke beautiful words that made me think and grow into a new better part of myself.

So grateful for these safe spaces and safe spaces to come. I hope our 2 acres in Nashville will be safe for my family. I hope I'll make friends that allow me into the peace around the and that together -- friends and family -- we'll find the thin space. 

Excited and scared. A little sad, but mostly grateful.