A surprise in the crib

Well, to be honest, the surprise was in the Pack N Play. I'm sure of this because a few weeks ago we packed up Charlie's crib that he hated sleeping in and moved him to a Pack N Play in a closet, and then today strangers came and pick up the crib to haul it away to a new nursery and new family. About two minutes before they showed up, I got all sick to my stomach and was sure we should save the crib forever. But it was too late -- Tim came the in the house, handed me the $60, and said, "buy yourself something nice."

But I digress.

I have this really special memory of walking into my Utah nursery one day when Quinn was 5 months old -- there she was standing up, and in the moment it felt like motherhood began. She was a real person. She woke up. She wanted out of the crib. So she just stood upend smiled.

I waited for that moment with Kenna. It never came.

I waited for that moment with Lizza. It really never came.

Since Quinn my babies don't stand up. They've all had issues. 3 out of 4 babies scooted on their bums. 3 out of 4 could put weight on their legs at 1 year. So strange and. Little scary.

I haven't been worried about Charlie. I figured we'd get him therapy and solve his problem when it became a problem. But then he turned one and still couldn't do crap with his legs. I really believed he's work it out. But you never know. There is always that doubt. Always that fear. And now that I am a PTSD mom, it's a lot harder to just act cool. We've been working with him, and he's making progresses -- starting to like the idea of standing up at the table. Trying to do it with little success.

Today I heard my little man calling for us after a nap, I went to open his closet and there he was. Waiting for me ... on his feet. Laughing and laughing as if to say, "haha, tricked you!"

Anyway, it was that special moment again. A motherhood moment when everything falls away and you feel alive and just so damn happy. Even without my cherished crib. I started screaming and screaming for Tim like a crazy first time mom. Those are the best moments. Those moments when it feels like the first time again. Only better.