Inauguration cookies

Eight years ago when Obama took office for the first time, I was working at a university where most of my students has been raised in the same political and spiritual ideology. I, too, was conflicted about how I felt about the new leader. I had not liked Bush, but I had not been excited about my options.

But still I had a positive energy about the pomp and circumstance of the day on inauguration day. It upset me that so many of my students spoke very flippantly and irreverently about the special day. I couldn't put my finger on why this upset me. My sister-in-law Avery was living in Utah at the time which was such a jewel for me. I called her about my concerns, and she said, "I hear you. It just feels like we should be celebrating a peaceful exchange of power." And so on that day I made a personal commitment to always cherish and honor inauguration day. I brought dozens and dozens and dozens of cookies with frosting to share with my students on Inauguration Day, and  I put the proceedings on a large screen and we watch together throughout the day. When students walked in, I cheered with excitement. I  yelled often, "happy inauguration day!"

So this is where my conflict comes from. I really believed at the time that any leader should be celebrated because the peaceful exchange of power is a beautiful thing that sets our  nation aside from so much of history and perhaps so much of the future. And yet I'm stressed to death about Donald Trump. I'm stressed to death about his choices for cabinet leaders, his ability to bully, and his views on minorities and women. It just doesn't feel like something to celebrate. I'm conflicted with my personal responsibility to stand up and shout, "stop!" But I'm also tugged with the passionate desire to believe and have faith in our republic  and in the peaceful exchange of power. Is this how my students felt 8 years ago? Was I belittling them when I threw the inauguration in their face? Or was I right and they  really didn't care and needed a kick in the pants to care about something. This year I feel people's pain. It seems like they are an actual pain. This is one of the few transfers of power in my adult life. Does it always feel this way to the other side? My gut tells me no, but I want to be open to that option. I don't to be closed and ignorant.

So, i've been conflicted, and today I spent the day eating a lot of food. I started with mules quite earlier than normal. I reached out to a few friends. I evaluated my options as a powerful voice in America. I went to a friends house to rant. But I did watch the inauguration. I didn't see her not watching what accomplish anything except keep me in the dark in a time when we all need more light. Plus, I really enjoy moments when lots of people and I watch the same thing at once. I like the Academy Awards. I used to like General conference. And I really love an inauguration. I cried a little bit. Somethings really upset me. Something's set me on fire. Somethings made me feel a little better. I Processed, I grieved, I put a plan together. It was a new kind of inauguration cookie. A somber celebration. Like the cookies at a wake maybe?  Feelings of gratitude for what I've experienced in my life and hope for a positive future. A different kind of celebration.

Ttomorrow I have to work,  and I'll be missing the women's march in Denver. This was the reason most of my tears were shed today. I want to be there so badly. But I have a job, and I have responsibilities, and I have a reaponcibilites to show my children and my daughters what it looks like to have a job and take care of yourself and be strong and passionate about what you do. So I'm going to work, but my dear friend Joanna is taking Quinn and McKenna to the women's march in Denver. Leaving at the crack of Dawn, taking a train into Denver, sharing an amazing breakfast together, and then marching for women's rights, to petition the government for a redress of grievances, and to practice using their voice when it matters. This is  such a better inauguration cookie than I ever could have imagine for my children. In my eyes, a beautiful way to celebrate the transfer of power.

Jill Fellow
801.735.7416