No Yelling -- More Jesus

For years I have been struggling with yelling. I found myself yelling at the kids all the time. Some of my friends spank their kids. I don't believe in hitting. So I yell. It seems clear to me that both are wrong, but I could not figure out how to parent without yelling. And I mean REALLY yelling. Top of my lungs -- completely freaking out. 

I had a simple thought, though, a few weeks back. I can't remember where or when the thought came. I was just thinking again about how there are just so many things to teach/ fix/control in my kids if I want them to be awesome. And then it occurred to me that I am still BECOMING awesome. I hope with all my soul that my children would not yell as adults. So two thoughts -- Who am I becoming? What will they see in me? 

The best mothering I could do is by being the woman I hope they become. But here is the thing. It is not about giving them a gift. It is really about me. I am still on my life's journey, and that has real meaning. I am still becoming who I want to be -- not for them -- but for me. I don't want to become awesome just because they will see it. Them seeing it is just a byproduct. I want to try harder -- AKA become awesome -- because I know that being kind, loving, peaceful, and filled with patience and charity will bring me the joy I want so badly from life and for those around me. And as an amazing byproduct, I will be an example to my children in their own search for happiness. So, that is it. Yelling is wrong, and I am not going to accept it. That was my thought. There are a lot of reasons to not yell at a child, but the reason that stuck for me was, "Who am I becoming?" 

So, I stopped. Not completely, but mostly, and in just three weeks, I have had SO much more time for hugging and cuddling, reading, saying "yes," listening, validating, sharing, and forgiving. 

I truly believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ. Before he came to earth, it was an "eye for an eye" world, and that world would have crushed my soul. I love the principles that Jesus gifted to the world. Of course, you should not kill, he said, but really when you feel anger, you should seek to heal your heart. What a beautiful idea? Is it doable? Not every day, but yes it is doable.  I feel more at peace with Jesus than even with myself when I am that mom who yells. And I deserve Jesus. I know what to do. So, I am recommitted to me. I was always on a good path before I started freaking out about piano lessons or getting sassed at by a 5 year old. My daughter is hilarious when she sasses me. Do I really have to yell at her about it every time? More and more, I am starting to think that best way to teach a child how to speak kindly and not freak out is to -- news flash -- speak kindly and not freak out. If I nit pick at everything they do wrong, what will come of it? More and more, my heart says, "Nothing good." 

Also, I want them to know and feel that I love them. They should know that even in the middle of them being crazy, it is safe right here by me. It is so hard to be 5 -- you don't know much, you have no freedom, and you throw away two of the most amazing things that your mom gives you -- food to eat and time to sleep. So, I am going to hug more and yell less. I have done the math in my head of the possible consequences, and they all say that if I act more like Jesus -- then they will love both me and Jesus -- and they will learn to be awesome along the way in their own little amazing journeys. 

So, can I change with the snap of my fingers? Well, yes, actually, I can. 

In 2006, I set a new years resolution to give up being "too stressed" and "too busy." This goal completely changed my life. I stopped saying it, and I stopped organizing my life so that it would be true. Of course my life "gets full" of the beautiful things I have chosen to put into it, but I do not get too stressed and too busy, unless, for the most part, I am doing something wrong. I am not too busy or too important for anyone. I have time, and I can do with it what I want. It took a strong commitment and just a few weeks to completely change my words and actions toward this direction, and it was one of the best changes I have ever made in my life. Bring it on. 

And this will be my next big change. I am determined. This is the next one. I can not make my kids become a certain way. The only "become" I have is mine. So, I give up yelling and nagging, and I embrace loving and forgiving. My motherhood is a stop on MY journey. It is about who I am becoming, and it is not selffish to remember this; it is beautiful. 

So, to sum up:

• I believe in Jesus -- Patience, charity, love, kindness. These are universal true principles that bring peace and joy. 
• There has not been a lot of Jesus in my mothering because I have been nagging and correcting and punishing and yelling. It makes me feel horrible. 
• I am going to give my children the freedom to figure life out without me standing behind them taking away love constantly with my incessant unkindness. Call it mothering, teaching, or whatever gets you through the night, but what has been happening at my house is unkindness. 
• I am going to focus on me and the beam in my own eye. If I work to find peace and joy through kindness in my life, this will naturally come into the lives of my children. 
• So, I am going to quit yelling as a giant step towards combining my mothering with my future self and with Jesus. 
• Yelling less makes me happy -- and happy mothers are much better. 
• There are hundreds of things I could do to manipulate my children's lives -- in hopes that they turn out to be a certain way -- but the only things that will actually have the desired effect in the long run are love and kindness. 
• In the gospel according to me, when I yell, it is a sin, and I should stop, make adjustments, and try not to do it again. No Yelling. Back to hugging.