Parents, Mormons, Sundays

So turns out Tim and I do not know what we are doing as parents. A quote for Tim yesterday that I just love: "I remember thinking about this stuff when Quinn was a baby, and I thought we would have so much time to figure it out. I thought we'd learn stuff and know what we were doing by now." Well, since I feel the same and know nothing, our kids are going to get all messed up for sure.

This all came about because I hate Sundays. Mormons strive to keep the sabbath day by saving that day for rest and worship. When I was a new convert, I thought I loved keeping the sabbath day holy. Turns out I loved siting around and talking to friends, which is what all the young Mormons did on Sundays because they couldn't go to the movies or the mall. Since I was a new convert everyone had me over to play on Sundays, when all their other friends were probably banned. So I felt special and awesome, and I loved Sundays.

I can't remember how I felt about Sundays when I was at BYU, but once I got married, I hated them -- off and on -- but mostly on. For a few years we just slept all day on Sunday to recover from working two jobs and paying a mortgage at age 22. But once our life got balanced, I just got bored. We had plenty of time together during the week, so it was not like we needed a whole day in isolation. Most of our friends were busy -- or at least we thought they were busy -- with family parties and dinners on Sunday. We hung out with friends sometimes, but not much. People love a Sunday nap, and I just wanted to hang out and talk like the good ol' days. It felt like the Mormons lied to me, and now I was committed to giving away 10 percent of my money and 1/7 of my week. And it sucked. (I might be leaving out about 100 perks to being Mormon.)

It only got worse when we had kids. I felt like people were mocking me by teaching lessons about keeping the sabbath day holy. There is no rest and basically no worship with a 2 year old. End of discussion. I felt and still feel like they were basically telling me to do the hardest job in the world all week and then taking away all my resources on Sundays -- like the diversion of a trip to the store or a yoga class for mom. Again, it sucked.

So now we live in Colorado in a town with 4 Mormons and 7 former Mormons, and Quinn got her first birthday party invitation -- for a Sunday, of course. Within minutes if my getting the invitation, another mom asked me right in front of Quinn if she were going. I was a deer in the headlights. I said something about having church and family plans, but Quinn did not let it die. I distracted her in front of the mom, but it came up again on Sunday morning. Here is the thing: what was I going to say? Sundays are amazing! I love them! Rest and worship is the best?! I am no liar. I hate Sundays. I fully believe her day and mine would be better if she went. I wish I got to go to a birthday party every single Sunday. So I was kind of in a pinch. This was do or die time.

So, I talked up our family a ton to Quinn that morning, and I tried to get her all excited that our family gets to hang out together all day and do fun things. Do I honestly believe that family fun day is better? Not sure, but one thing is true: This (yesterday) was my moment to take back Sundays for my family and decide how we can be Mormons and parents and fun all at the same time. I really want to stand for things that I know are right, but sometimes I am just not sure what is right. So, Tim and I talked about it. I called a friend. I went to both extremes in my head. And here is what I came up with:

I have decided that our family sticks together on Sundays. Period. We will celebrate the most special part of the Mormon faith and worship eternal families every Sunday. Quinn's school days are long, she had a play date on Saturday. I want more time with my children. I believe we should take more time together. It is only going to get worse when they get older and school and activities take them away. But on Sundays, every Sunday, we will stick together.

We stick together on Sundays. Period.

So birthday parties are great -- when the whole family is invited.

Our kids are little, they don't need to be away from us all that much anyway. We'll hike sometimes. We'll invite families over to celebrate with us. We'll take time to learn life lessons and spiritual truths. We'll go to church. Help neighbors. Plan future adventures. And hopefully learn to protect, love, and care for each other. This might all seem really obvious. I know great families from all faiths that already do this one day a week or all week. But for us -- we had to be intentional -- we had to come to this. Make it a fact. Make it something to hold on to. Make it who we are, what makes us different, and how we define, "Happy."

I'm still pretty annoyed with the church for giving me a commandment that feels mostly impossible for a giant junk of my life. But in the end, I have just been holding on to the wrong interpretation of the commandment. Like all things, The Lord gives no commandments unto the children of men except he also prepare a way for them to accomplish the commandment (1 Nephi 3:7). I am grateful for my faith and my family -- even though I  have days when I am raving mad at both. It's all a process. And they are both forever.

P.S. I would like to thank one of my bet friends Lizza Nelson for answering the phone on a Sunday morning and letting me scream and cry and work this out.

P.S.S. I would also like to thank the Holy Spirit for calming me the heck down -- once I got off the phone and went to church -- so I could figure this out and feel a lot of peace and comfort.