I was searching "Netflix" on my phone tonight because I thought a friend gave me a show recommendation the other day. This draft of something came up in my notes instead. This is apparently how I felt last year on August 10, which happen to be the day I left for a work trip after 9 solid weeks with my kids with no husband. I remember the summer fondly. But apparently I had some deep rooted emotions about parenting by the end of it. I don't completely feel this way today -- but pretty close. I have a 4 part series on my feelings -- less angry than this -- about parenting and growth. This seems like a good time to start posting them song don't get all behind and find them in my notes in a year when I am searching "lentils" on my phone or something equally unrelated.
I miss the 80s
By Jill Fellow, mother of 4, master of none
I would've been a great parent in the 80s. I would've been so good at loving my children and then totally ignoring them. I would've been great at having a part-time job, letting my kids take the bus, and really not worrying about much. I probably would've let them watch Threes Company without even noticing how inappropriate it was. I would've said, "OK I love you but I'm done with you, go play, and maybe read a book."
Because the truth is kids take everything from me. I want to have fun. I want to be happy. I want to be fun and happy with them. But they are such jerks. They are so mean and so needy and so angry. And when you have four like I do someone is always screaming at you. My mother used to say with three kids somebody's always out of sorts. That may very well be true with three, but with four, everyone is an asshole.
So I would've been so good at being that mom who had a great snack ready and then said, "go run and play, my loves, be a kid. be free." It's basically against the law to let your kids free range these days. Plus there's way too many channels and apps and TV things that can completely screw them up. I think about how before the age of Netflix and Hulu, everyone really only had the max three hours of TV a night pretty much starting at either seven or eight and ending at either 10 or 11. But if I can't even keep it under control with how much TV I watch, how can I possibly expect my children to figure that shit out? Also, lot of kids were abused in the 80s because no one was watching and there were generations and generations of child abuse and patriarchy before that. So, I'm not blind. I see the reason for the societal change. But still ...
...I long for the 80s. I long for the simplicity. I long for just living and loving. I long for low housing prices and simple pleasures. And I long for not yelling at my children as much because I have the freedom and the space to say, "go play." It might not be what other families need, but it's what I need. "I love you, go away, go play."
Jill Fellow
801.735.7416
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