Sad moment as a working mama

Life happens. I get it. Most of the time I just roll with it. Well, let me clarify, I don’t really roll with anything, but when it comes to being a working mom, you just can’t think too hard about it. I try not to think about things I’ve missed. I try not to think about how my baby has no friends because I moved away from all my communities and work too hard to make new ones for him. I try not to think about how I work all the time, miss out on their lives, and don’t get promoted because I am a mom and a woman and because part of me doesn’t want more work to do anyway.  

 

But tonight, the saddest thing happen, and I almost quit on the spot. I was teaching a live class on webcam. I could see and hear my 12 students, and they could see and hear me. I had a headset on because the computer amplifies every sound in the house. But as I was giving some important and hopefully inspiring closing remarks, I heard a little voice at my door. It was Charlie in a confused whisper, “MOOOOM?” He couldn’t get in the room, but I could hear his little voice. He only has about 5 words. Moooooom is one of them. He had gotten out of bed. Dad and the sisters were somewhere in the house playing games before bed. He was all alone in a dark hallway. At first his one word voice seemed to say oh so sweetly, “MOOOOM, hehe, I got out of my bed. Come see.” And then it changed to a very sad and still quiet, “MOOOOM, where are you? I’m getting scared.” I couldn’t quite tell if Tim had come up stairs to get him. I heard, “MOOOOOM!” change to “MOOOOM? DADDY?” Still so quiet and certainly getting more scared. There was nothing I could do. I hoped Tim had him.

 

And then I heard a crash and a horrible cry.

 

That’s it. That’s the end of the story because I wasn’t there for the rest. He’s fine. Tim came. He was in bed by the time I was done with class.

 

I do good work, but sometimes, in those moments, it feels like – for what?

 

 

 

Jill M. Fellow

Faculty, Leadership and Communication

Institutional Research

 

Western Governors University
Office: 801-428-5170

jfellow@wgu.edu