Whip out

Well, I made it, what? 10 days? And then came the high pressure situations that got the better of me. Damn. Yesterday when I was in the making dinner funk, I thought it was a good idea to come up with 10 meals instead of one and go to the store at 4 o'clock in the afternoon with four children and buy all the ingredients for all 10 meals and race home and try to make one of them before I had to teach live on WebCam at 6 o'clock. There may have been some Java tightened muffled yelling at Lizza who hated her food. But I try to ignore it and tell myself I was still on the wagon.

And then today when my friends daughter got sick and I didn't have anyone to ski with, thought it would be a great idea just to take Lizza. I was going to be calm and collected and focus on teaching and supporting and is having a great day in the sunshiney snow. Actually went that way for quite a while, until we started skiing. There was some powder involved in some skis holding off and some laziness and some yelling and some swearing and some losing my mind. I feel really awful about it. Tim says it doesn't count when you're skiing with a five-year-old. He might be right but yelling ruins a day. And ice take a lot of sacrifices to have a really fun special days with my kids, and it's such a waste when I ruin it. So I'm pretty depressed. But I know deep down it all comes to keeping myself out of those high-pressure situations. If you can't do without yelling, then get a damn sitter and ski by yourself.

I'm still committed to the cause. Wish me luck.

And did I mention that this morning Charlie got mad at me and took one of my favorite plates, picked it up, and threw it on the floor where it shattered into pieces? We might've been starting from a pretty low bar today. Must be the moon.

Jill Fellow
801.735.7416