Eye Ball

Tonight while Quinn and I were reading her favorite book, she stopped responding to me. I looked over at her, and she was very busy trying to touch her eyeball. She totally touched the white parts AND the blue parts.

She didn't laugh or cry. She just touched it for awhile and then stared at me.

Weird.

That's weird.

My kid's weird.

Hair Cut!

So, Whereas Quinn turns 2 next week and Whereas Quinn's hair was getting crazy and whereas the morning battles were getting increasingly longer each day and ... in spite of Tim's objections ....

Quinn got her first hair cut today.

A couple people told me to just cut it on my own, but I figured that would only further the relationship damage that "hair" has already had on my relationship with my first born. So, I got a coupon from a great neighbor, and we headed to "Cookie Cutters" to get a special big girl hair cut complete with a poodle-themed salon chair and Elmo on the small screen.

The "after" pics don't really do her new style justice because I would never round brush her hair in a million years because 1) I am lazy 2) She hates time doing hair and 3) Fellows have round heads ...

Here is the product of our fun day!



Curly and Crazy: The "Before" Shot




Focused on Elmo: The "During" shot as Ashlee checks out the curls and cuts them off.




Why wait until the end for a sucker?




Cutest Place Ever!!




So happy!




From the back!





More from the front!




Posing with her Balloon and her sucker. Very Proud.





Mommy saves a lock of hair.




Time to slide and play!!





All done and so pretty!




Also, notice her adorable outfit, which, of course, was one of the many we bought on our Monday shopping trip. I couldn't help take pictures of her ALL day. Love it.

"Hey, look at that. I made a little Mormon!" (And so did Lindsay)

Two amazing things happened yesterday.

First, and most importantly, my Lindsay gave birth to Baby Bennett Roger Purdie (Benny.) I am off to go see them in a few minutes, and I can barely wait! Congratulations, Lindsay!

Also, Lindsay, I hate you ... for not taring at all and telling me you "feel great" this morning after delivering a nearly 9 lb baby just hours before. Love and and hate are very close, of course.

Secondly, and very special to me, it was my Mormon anniversary yesterday. I've been officially Mormon now 11 years, and as I told my big sister yesterday, I am going strong ... except for the maternity swearing, but I am only human, right?

For the first several years of celebrating my Mormon birthday, I would go to the Temple to renew my baptismal covenants (kind of.) But as we have been married for awhile now, we try to celebrate in different ways. Last year went to the Temple and did sealings for the first time. It was like getting married over and over again for an hour, and we loved it.

This year, I forgot to get a sitter, so the day was about to go by unnoticed, but instead we made a big night of it. We headed to SLC to meet up with Bridget, Ben and little Paige. Bridget was my very first Mormon friend, so I owe her a lot, and it was really cool to celebrate together. We didn't get all cheesy or anything, but it was nice to be together.

We met up at Temple Square in Salt Lake. Why not to do Mormon things to celebrate a Mormon day, right?




Tim, Quinn and I got there early and ran around the temple. Quinn loved it. I loved it too. I know she doesn't understand a whole lot about God yet, but it was a very peaceful feeling to see her enjoying her first visit to a place that has so much meaning to us as a family.




And I couldn't help but think, "Hey, look at that. I made a little Mormon!"

It is very comforting to know that this is one area of our lives that is always peaceful and agreed upon (within reason, of course.) Our marriage was created on this path, and our kids will get to feel that spiritual comfort and security forever... and hopefully go on to make little Mormons of their own some day. (Making Mormons is the best!)





(When you are out with Quinn, you have to stop for horses at all costs AND to say, "Hey, look ... a bus!" everytime one drives by. That is just our standard operating procedure. Here is our horse pics. We also saw a LOT of buses!)


After we met up with the Reeds, we went to the History of Church History and Art. We planned to go straight to the children's exhibit, but we probably could have skipped it because the girls loved everything at the museum so much. Mostly they loved running around and touching things they were not supposed to touch.


(The curator said they have to repaint Moroni's toes ALL the time because little Paiges and Quinns LOVE to touch him. Moroni is the name of the Angel who plays the trumpet at the top of most LDS Temples. He's important for lots of reasons, but mostly he helped preserve the Book of Mormon through history.)


(Looking at the Temple from inside the museum.)


My favorite was when tiny Paige climbed behind the bar of a big handcart and tried to push it. So funny!



And much like how I like to copy Bridget, Quinn had to give it a try. Look at our little modern pioneers!! (Large groups of Mormons used these handcarts to walk from the midwest to the Salt Lake Valley. They are a Mormon classic item.)




When we got to the exhibit, the girls wanted to stay in the first area, which was set up like a hospital baby nursery. It is supposed to represent the part of the song, "I am a Child of God" that says, "He has sent me here..." (like from heaven to earth...get it?) They loved dressing and feeding the babies, and putting them to sleep.






(She also fed herself with a baby's bottle...)

Quinn found some other Mormon things to do, too. She found a puzzle on the wall there you look at pictures of Mormons doing Mormon things. What could be more fun, right?









(Magnets help the family car get from the house to the church and the temple.... classic!)


She found the baby Jesus, too, but she preferred the baby sheep. (In the pic you can see her saying, "SHHHHHeep.")





And my personal favorite: She held on to this iron rod and walked on the "straight and narrow path" from Lehi's dream in the Book of Mormon. The path represents obedience to the gospel throughout your life. But she got bored quickly and had more fun jumping OFF the path. Should I be worried?




(Getting ready to jump!!!)


We ended the night with dinner at Tucci's in Salt Lake. The food was average, but the service was top notch and worth the money. They treated us like Kings and Queens, welcomed two 2-year-olds with open arms and gave us plenty of time and space to catch up and hang out.

Being Mormon is fun. You should try it.

On a much happier note... A Baby Shower!

So, the other night my girlfriends and I were ditching a church activity and talking in the car about everything from make-up to baby names. They all seem to follow at least one stranger's blogs because the person posts all about the amazing crafts they sell and parties they throw... not my style... and they know it ... so we had a good laugh about it. When I told Melissa this morning that I was going to take pictures of the big event I threw for my dear friend Lindsay, she reminded me to BLOG ABOUT IT! So, here is the event ... Jill style ... the successes and the failures!


It started out as a Costco style menu -- easy to do, but kind of price for a one man show. I was off to buy the goods on Thursday, shoes on and all, when I noticed I only had $26 left in my bank account. New plan.

I rewrote the menu pretty fast. Have you ever spent less than $26 at Costco?

I decided to use this poor-woman's chance to decorate with food by making some pretty cakes. I baked for days, and this --Zoloft and all -- is what I came up with.




The colors were light blue and green. Here is the main food table complete with three cakes, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, chips and salsa (at the new mom's request) and - my personal favorite - ranch dip and veggies.





There were SUPPOSED TO BE 4 cakes. It was supposed to be a circle, two squares and a triangle. As you can see, the triangle didn't survive!!





Rest in Peace my little cake...





On to some successes... my clothes line with onesies turned out much better than the triangle cake.





For the sake of record keeping, here is the punch table. A punch bowl with Country Time lemonade, ice, frozen blueberries, and a few lemon slices.





Already dilated to a 4 1/2 ... Lindsay was ready for the party to start... and end... We've been joking for days that she only needed to keep that baby in until 3 p.m. on Saturday. Isn't she beautiful? Her baby Bennett and my new baby girl will only be a few months apart. We are so excited.





And when all was said and done by 3 p.m. Saturday, Lindsay had seen tons of people she loves, celebrated this new baby, and really collected some cute new stuff. One of my favorite gifts was the blanket in this picture. It was embroidered with "Bennett Roger." It came with burp clothes that said, "Benny." Loved them!

Love Lindsay! Loved throwing her a shower!


P.S. After everyone left, Tim brought Quinn home from their "date." I had suggested he take her to an indoor play place. He made other plans that apparently bored Quinn (A business meeting.) So he let her color all over herself with some highlighters while he finished the meeting. It was everywhere!! But I can't complain because he did the dishes after the shower. You win some! You lose some...


On her shirt! Says Tim: "Well, yeah, I watched her do it. But it was either that of a tantrum." (I was going to get mad, but I let her eat chap stick at Wal-mart on Wednesday to keep her quiet. Oops!)



She managed to get some on the paper ... and all over her hands. At least she's creative. After she added lemon bar goo to the mess on her hands, it was back in the bath.

Tim thoughts this was the month...

And he was right!


Details
Negative on Friday and then positive on Monday. Clomid this month but no IUI. I'm already picking up horrible smells from across the room. And my heart is beating fast with the increased blood flow. And, as always, I always have to pee. Due in Early June.

Thank Yous
Thanks to everyone who supported us (me) over the last year. It has been a long road, and your love and support has meant all the difference. Thank you for walking on egg shells. Don't think I didn't notice you minimizing your joys for me. It wasn't completely necessary; but I saw it all, and I love you for it. (You know, standard, "It must have been cold there in my shadow..." la, la, la.)

Also, thanks to my very important group of ladies who have been or are currently in my infertility club. I love you all so much, and I offer hundreds of constant prayers that your pain will be eased. May we all have peace of mind and peace of heart no matter what our situation. I will miss the closeness that I feel with all of you. Give me 9 months, and I'll be back as club president. But I hope you don't mind me saying, that I hope none of you are in the club when I get back.

Pregnancy
It has been a while since I even let myself think about the idea of being pregnant. It all is sinking in very slowly now, and I am delighted. I stick by my stance that pregnancy -- in all its complexity and pain -- is a miracle. I'm five minutes into this adventure, and I already feel like a miracle -- an actual miracle.

Taryn's Thoughts on Too Many Babies
Apparently my niece does not share the mindset that all children are miracles. Tim's sister Katie has 4 kids. Her oldest is Taryn who is 7 years old. She is a bit of a worrier. When Katie told Taryn that Aunt Jill was having a baby, Taryn asked what I was having. Katie told her we won't know for awhile. Taryn said with a very serious face, "I hope she has a girl." Katie asked why, and Taryn said, "Because that way Quinn will have a sister right away. Cause 4 babies is crazy. Too many."

Quinn
After Tim and I found out on Monday morning, we ran in to tell Quinn when she woke up. I got really excited and yelled, "We're going to have a baby at our house." She then got very excited too and pointed to the top corner of her room. Tim and I both turned to see what she was pointing at. Our chins dropped. It was a very old picture of Quinn as a baby that we have never pointed out or talked to her about. She wanted to hold the picture and show us our new baby.

Quinn is Getting so Big!

Quinn turns 18 months and starts Nursery class at church in two days.

So Quinn has started doing all kinds of new things. I never want to forget them. Here is her 18 month update:

Today she found her one Elmo DVD in a pile of Daddy's stuff. She brought it to me and then went over to the TV to try to put it in the stereo since we do not have a DVD player attached to our TV. I put the DVD between two books and started a Tivo'd episode of Sesame Street. She was happy about that.

This morning she was eating a piece of peanut butter toast, but she wanted to be all done eating in her chair and eat the rest of the piece while walking around the house. Well, that is not allowed, so she sat stubbornly in the chair for another half an hour. At one point she was giving me signs that she wanted me to wash her hands. She had the toast in one hand so I washed the other hand. She looked at the clean hand in delight, put the toast in it and handed me the other dirty hand. What could have gone on for hours because it was a very thick spread of peanut butter toast and she was determined to hold it and have clean hands at the same time.

While riding in the car, she makes herself very clear that she wants to listen to music. Yes, ma'am. Will Chris Merritt do the trick?

She has standard to make her opinion clear that she does not like to wear clothes. She often wakes up with no pants on and has a melt down when it is time to put pants on and get ready for the day. After several attempts this morning, I finally just pinned her down and dressed her. She was much nicer after that and even showed me there her shoes were hiding. Not sure what to do about that, but I'll just roll with it.

Of all the foods she has eaten, she has been most consistent with carrots -- she hates them. Since March at least.

She eats bananas whole just like a big kid with the peel hanging down.

She took her first shower the other day. She always takes her baths with daddy, and then she hangs out while he takes a shower at the end of the bath. But this week he set up one of the faucets as a Quinn sized shower, and she totally walked into it and showered.

She is very interested in microphones. But that is a world she will not be able to experiment with at our house. Maybe I should get her an 80's tape player and mini microphone.

Elmo's world always ends the same way. Elmo gathers around the piano with all the stuff and people who have helped him learn that day, and together they sing the "Book" or "Sing" or "Weather" song depending on the theme that day. So if the theme was books then Elmo plays jingle bells on the piano and says the word book for all the lyrics in the song. Anyway, Quinn anticipates this part of the show, and when she thinks it is about time she climbs up on to our piano and waits. When Elmo starts to play, she starts to play. It is great.

Quinn's pretty good about throwing trash away. If I hand her something and say, "Go put that in the trash can" she is on board. The first time she ever put something in the trash it was a bottle, but we broke that habit pretty fast. Now I can say, "All done? Go put your bottle/plate/cup in the sink." She needs some reminding on the way over, but she can do it.

Last night I had the new base player pick up a Pack N Play for me at Wal-Mart because we have never had one. Quinn needed to take one with her to the baby sitter today. When I woke up, I decided to crack it open and make sure everything worked. I got really excited about it, and Quinn followed suit. She gestured that she wanted to get in. I put her in it in the middle of the living room with all her sleeping things. I told her I wanted to take a picture, and she totally understand that she was supposed to test the new crib out. She laid down and giggled and even pretended to sleep. Normally when I pull my camera out, she stops what she is doing and goes for it. But today she understood and she just went with it. I loved it.

Earlier this week, Quinn was watching TV with Tim. He was sitting at the edge of the couch, and she crawled up and straddle him from behind. She just sat there even through she couldn't see. She thought it was funny, so every now and then she would laugh or peek her head around and say hi to him. She's done it to me a few times too.

When it is time for bed, we have a pretty specific routine. Unless she is really tired, we tell her it is bed time and say good night to all kinds of people and things. I place her on her back with her poodle, passey and blanket on top of her handmade poodle blanket from Kate Mac designs, and we cover her up with a Kate Mac designs knock off that was make by Quinn's aunts. I say a prayer over her, and when she picks up on what I am doing, she rolls towards me and folds her arms. When I say, "Amen", she rolls over onto her side and is out like a light. On rough days, we turn on the Mormon Tabernacle Choir on our wait out the door, and we don't hear from Quinny until 4 at the earliest.

She seems to love running around and being chased. And if we are on a bed or a trampoline, she loves to be pushed and grabbed. She laughs so hard. I recently recently at a yoga class where they asked us to think of a moment of perfect happiness. I thought of Quinn laughing on a trampoline with me in Heber the week before. I was shocked at how my body relaxed immediately. Now what is some effect.

She does not need bottles anymore. She only takes one a day. It is at 6 a.m., and I give it to her so I can sleep in. Yesterday we had a baby at our house for a few hours. He had a bottle, and he left about 2 oz. in it. Quinn kept bring him the bottle and looking at him like he was crazy for not wanting the rest. She knew it wasn't hers, but after about a hour, I found her hidden in the corner downing the milk. Smart girl. She handed me the bottle with the look of, "A person only has so much self control, mom."

Quinn is passionate about grapes and horses, but she is not a big fan of thunder. We were on a walk a few days ago when we heard some thunder. She grabbed my leg and asked (with her hands and grunts) if she could get in her stroller and not walk anymore. She also doesn't like the thunder when Count Von Count counts on Sesame Street. Much to my great sadness.

She is OK with hair clips, but hair bows get thrown out the window.

Her feet are too fat for MOST shoes. She's been wearing fake crocs for months. Size seven regular Mary Janes leave marks on the top of her feet. Remember the part where she is only 18 months old. Dear me. No one in my family was blessed with desirable feet.

Quinn is still very passionate about her favorite pink poodle. She also has a grey poodle from Ikea that she sleeps with and carries around. She thinks her other poodles are fun, but they are fun to play with not sleep with. Since she quit the bottle, her passion for her favorite poodles has gotten much stronger, and she throws big fits when I try to put them back in the crib before we leave the house or before mealtimes.

Well, that is 18 months. Ups, downs and all arounds. I'm sure things will get much worse and much better. What an adventure. Happy 18 months, baby girl.

Now that she is 18 months, Quinn starts nursery at church this Sunday. After the first hour of church, we drop her off at nursery for the next two hours for playtime, singing time, class time and snack time. Some kids kind of freak out. We'll see how it goes. I think she is going to do great. I already picked out her first day of nursery outfit, and we did a test run with it last Sunday at Stake Conference. It is a blue jumper with a long sleeve white shirt and tights. I will post pictures because I think this nursery thing is a pretty giant deal. I might bawl my eyes out from now until then.

Clomid Update

Warning to the uncommitted reader: Fertility Update

So, the first round of Clomid was a no go. It gave me hot flashes and no baby. If I am lucky my doctor will give the time of day enough today to prescribe round 2. I'm in no mood to talk about it.

We might have time for a fourth IUI before Tim leaves, but that is left up to the ovary gods.

If we can't get pregnant, Quinn and I are renting a bus and going with Tim. I deserve travel. Don't I? It's the perk of only one baby. Of course, we'd have to get rich first.

To Do List:
Get Pregnant
Get Rich

Sounds each enough on paper.

First Day of Christmas

I plan ahead for a Halloween without my man.

Tim and I love Christmas. We're not scare to admit it. We LOVE it.

So, we have a few special days in the Fall that gear us up for the big birthday. (Jesus', of course.)

First, we have Halloween. I grew up hating Halloween because my mother hates it. We had only one very small box of ghost and goblin decorations, and most of them involved fashioning baby ghosts out of toilet paper or something like unto it. We never got trick-or-treaters because we lived in a neighborhood full of old people. And trick-or-treating was also not so fun because, again, we lived in a neighborhood full of old people ... that was also on a hill. And despite what most people believe, it does get cold in California, and for some reason Halloween was always one of those nights. A windy night can turn a beautiful, rented Princess dress into just a slip under a florescent pink coat very quickly.

But after we got married and moved into our house, it all changed. Halloween became about neighbors coming by and winter coming to stay. We set up some family traditions and decided as a couple that the best part about Halloween is that it is the first day of Christmas. After Halloween the cold comes and the season begins. Soon you get to Thanksgiving which is, of course, our second special day of the Christmas season. We start a count down to Christmas on Thanksgiving and put up our tree and host our first party that very weekend. So in our home we celebrate wintertime and family-time from Oct. 31 until the end of December, and we love it.

So on top of all our traditional emotions for the holiday, this is a big Halloween for us this year because Quinn is old enough to walk around the neighborhood begging for candy that I will, of course, throw away for her. But Tim is going to be on tour for a month before and a month after the First Day of Christmas this year. So, tonight we did what any normal Christmas loving family would do. We planned our Halloween so that he would not feel left out of the fun on the big day.

As our Family Home Evening activity, we looked through a costume catalog for ideas for Quinn. Then we went through her closest and pulled out her Poodle costume from last year and the Kimono Tim brought back from Japan last June. We tried both on her. She hated the poodle. She loved the Kimono. So, there you have it. Our Little Kristie Quinn is going to be a Little Asian Girl for her second Halloween. We are going to put her hair in a ponytail with chop sticks, and she will answer the door for Trick-or-Treaters and pass out fortune cookies and Asian cider.

My parents are coming into town for that weekend, so I will not be lonely. But I am sure I will have to do some convincing to get them on board for the the whole "First Day of Christmas" emotion of the evening. Tim will be on video Skype on the computer for half of the night so he will be able to see Quinn and watch her hand out the cookies.

So now because of a little forethought, the First Day of Christmas 2008 will survive. I better get used to this planning ahead and these kind of "including daddy" activities because I don't think the tours are getting any shorter.

Happy Halloween. Merry Christmas.

The Best Nanny Ever

I brag about my amazing husband and try to be ok with him becoming a better mom than I am.

So, Quinn has been freaking about her B-O-T-T-L-E these days. She wakes up from a long nap, but she is only happy for 10 seconds before screaming at me for a bottle. She's back to waking up multiple times in the night for that wretched M-I-L-K, and all for her words are turning into "A Ba, A Ba, A ba" (with her finger pointed toward the kitchen and her face contorted into quite the little attitude.) A few days ago Tim and I talked about how we're not sure we can handle it anymore, and we're not sure what to do.

In an unrelated event, I left for work the next day feeling like my poor daughter was going to lose a whole day of her life because -- come on -- what's in a day without the momma anyway? But I got home several hours later and was greeted by a happy child who was holding her new sippy cup and a husband who whispered, "I never gave her a B-O-T-T-L-E today. She's rolling with it."

What? That is crazy! I was so proud of them both, but I started to cry especially when I realized this was no accident; and it was not easy. He had had to distract her all day, come up with new game plans, deal with a few fits, and feed her non stop since her little belly was not full of M-I-L-K like it normally is.

There doing it without me, I thought. More tears. They get along fine without me. More tears.

But what am I complaining about. This is great. I surrender. And trust me I have. I don't claim to know the slightest about how this B-O-T-T-L-E thing works. This is daddy's thing. I have to ask him for help everyday when I get home because the minute she sees me she starts working on me to cave. The little tears. The little fits. The big hugs. It breaks my heart, and I have to say, "Bob (Tim), help. I don't know how to do it. Can you try giving her the M-I-L-K in a cup? I do it all wrong." Look at my amazing husband.

But I've got to tell you that this time last year I was coming home from work to a 6 month old baby who had been squeezed into a newborn-sized sleeper playing on the floor that had toys and dishes and junk everywhere. The guilt combined with the mess was like poison for my soul, and I would turn into a crazy person. I would stomp around cleaning the house.

I was exhausted after my long days and totally angry that he couldn't manage to do more than keep the baby alive. (He forgot to feed her solid food for a few months...) I got so made after two weeks of this that I fired him as my nanny. I took a second job, and spent my new earnings at a day care. It figured it was this or divorce. Extreme times. Extreme measures.

After a few days of Tim taking Quinn to daycare at 9 a.m., he said to me, "What if I don't want to take her to day care? Can I just keep her home with me. We have fun."

"NO!" I said. "You have lost your privileges. It is too late!"

Then I remember the next week I got home from my crazy day, and the blanket in the front room was folded and thrown neatly over the couch. I took a deep breath. We were going to get through this. Six weeks later Quinn and her nanny were reunited, and things have improved every week since. And now he's looking up B-O-T-T-L-E weening on the Internet without me and going for the gold. What a jewel!

Yesterday as I was driving home from work, I got a call from Tim and Quinn.

"Hi," he said. "I was just wondering if you wanted to meet Quinn and me for a snowie on your way home."

"Are you kidding?" I said. "That sounds like the best idea I have ever heard."

"Coool," he said. "I wanted to get Quinny a treat since she went another day without a B-O-T-T-L-E."

Now that is a great Mom if I've ever known one.

So here's to my husband. A man who follows his dreams, bathes the baby, makes great Mac and Cheese and works it as both a mom and a dad. He never complains. He never criticizes.

He rarely retorts.

Best Nanny ever. Best Dad ever. Best Friend ever.

Earth Cakes!

You all know I have been on a health kick lately, and I am the first to admit that I can get a bit extreme. I've been slowly cutting out meat, dairy products and all preservatives from our diet, and to top it all off I have been slowly adding wheat germ, quinoa and all kinds of grains and veggies into all our normal food. And again I do not deny that I am one for taking things too far.

So, no joke. Tonight I fed my daughter pancakes that tasted like the earth. THE EARTH. I am not sure if I am proud or ashamed. But since she ate them with delight, I don't plan to fix what is not broken.

I, however, did not eat them.




Earth Cakes (Earth, of course, is a euphemism for "dirt")
Developed by the one and only Jill Fellow

1 1/2 cup whole wheat pancake mix from Good Earth
1 1/2 cup water
1/4 cup Quinoa flakes
1/2 cup beet puree

1. Mix the ingredients until smooth.
2. Taste the batter to make sure it, in fact, tastes like "The Earth."
3. Pour onto a hot skillet at medium heat.
4. Flip when bubbles pop.
5. Serve to child with sugar-free applesauce.
6. Prepare something else for self.


(Photo by Google Images -- Warning: as with all cookbooks, the above photo does not represent the pancakes made with the above recipe)

IUI Update: lying, crying and clomid

Warning: Graphic Fertility Update. Not for sensitive eyes or for the faint of heart. 

No more babies yet. Round two of the IUI didn't take. I found out on my birthday, which you could probably imagine as a horrible experience. But it wasn't as sad as some months. I've been on an amazing and relaxing summer vacation, so maybe that acting as a buffer between me and my true feelings. 

But I did become a crazy person for a few hours when I called the nurse and lied to her so that I could get for aggressive treatments for next month. Not really my style. I told her I started on Friday, when I didn't start until the next day. She would have given me the medicine without the lie. So basically I risked my eternal soul for nothing. It wasn't worth it. 

But when I tried to justify it, Tim pointed out that the last time I got close to lying (OK, lying) was also for my children. It was for Quinn in the hospital after she was born, when the nurse wouldn't let me take her home until she had "two more good feedings." This was a total farce because she was perfectly healthy, already on a schedule, and had just eaten right before the nurse told me this. So, I did what any self-respecting mother would do. I went in there an hour later and overfed my baby, and then I went back and hour after that and hid behind a screen with my sister. She lied to the nurse for me and told her I was nursing back there. It was proud moment in my motherhood -- the moment where I truly became Quinn's advocate at all costs. 

And in general I feel like I have every right to be an advocate for this unborn, un-conceived baby, but I guess I found my limit because I felt horrible about this lie for days. I eventually called and made my peace with the nurse. I really am crazy. But at least now I am crazy and at peace ... sort of. 

So, the actual update for this month is that I am on Clomid. This is a first for me, and I am a little nervous (mostly because of the lying fiasco but whatever). When you take Clomid, you take one pill on days 3 through 7 of your cycle. I started yesterday and have three more pills to go. The goal of the Clomid is to help your ovary ovulate. In some cases the ovary the ovary will get over stimulated by the Clomid and will release two eggs -- Twins. But this is not actually that common. Most multiple births from fertility drugs come from a different drug that is administered through injections. But still, there is a whole list of side affects to using Clomid, but hopefully the only one I will get is a baby. Seems that worst case says I might get moody, fat or dizzy for five days. I can do anything for five days. So far I have not felt any differently except that I had a sharp pain for like 10 seconds on my left side yesterday. No biggie. I am in it to win it. So whatever. 

Another more urgent goal for trying the Clomid is that I think it might make my cycle shorter. I'm trying to fit two more inseminations in before Tim leaves for tour on Sept. 15. By then it will be time for more tests that Tim does not need to be around for. But as long as we are talking about bad news -- my UVU medical insurance will run out at the end of June which means I need to be pregnant by mid October or so. Yikes. I'll find a way to make it work. I always do. Or -- I guess -- God does. 

Quinn is ready for the Road

Need a new band member, Chris?

Too bad Quinn and I are not tagging along on the Fall Chris Merritt tour. On our trip to Boise last week, Quinn had a blast in the back seat with Chris and Avery.

And in her free time, she's been jamming on the keys to gear up. Whenever we go to a house with a piano, Quinn head's straight for it.

And now, thanks to my parents, we have a piano of our own. Quinn spends several hours a day climb up and down on the piano bench. She bangs on the keys but has already learned to touch one key at a time, which really makes her practice time more enjoyable for the rest of us.

Anniversary Success

Our 5th Anniversary was a wonderful success.

Well, we started our adventure with a family trip to Jimmy John's for some sandwiches. Then, we dropped Quinn off at Chris and Avery's house at about 4, and left for the rest of the night. I surprised Tim with a trip to Lagoon. Lagoon is the only amusement park in Utah. It is totally ghetto. We had never been, and it made a great backdrop for talking, catching up and celebrating the last five years of having fun together. We sat in an hour of traffic, and then we got completely soaked in our clothes on the very first ride. We were the only people fully clothed and the only people who got so wet. Most of the people at the park enjoy both the water park area and the regular rides, so they walk around half wet and half dressed (which beautifully adds to the ghetto feeling in the air.) We hit a couple rides and had an Icee before leaving and heading to the Pie Pizzeria for a late night snack.

It was weird to sleep at our house without Quinn in the next room. I was sore in the morning because I am not used to sleeping through the night. I woke up at 8 a.m. and couldn't wait to go get Quinn. Tim and I enjoyed the morning and our Pizza breakfast, and then we went to pick up Quinn at about 11. You never saw a tireder baby. We brought her home for a nap before finishing the weekend with a trip to the petting zoo at the Thanksgiving Point Farm.

It really was a wonderful and relaxing weekend. I'm grateful for my marriage and my family, and I look forward to a huge celebration in 5 more years.

I'd rather be listening to the MoTab

So, Quinn hates to go to bed these days. That's fine with me that she has her opinions and all. I welcome that, but I veto this specific desire, of course. Plus, after a long day, I am always counting down to nightsy, nightsy time so I can watch a show and grade papers.

Last week after Tim had been gone for 9 days in Japan I sort of hit my limit when Quinn would not take a nap before church. So, I did what any self-respecting, spirit loving Mormon would do. I blasted the Music and the Spoken Word as loud as it would go to DROWN HER OUT. It worked like a charm, and I have no idea how hard or how long she cried. I walked around the house getting stuff done and listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir with no care in the world and a smile on my face.

I saved yesterday's broadcast in case I might need it again this week while Tim is off working, and sure enough at about 8 p.m. Quinn was once again forced to surrender to Lloyd Newell and the gang. Her screaming left my mind, and my heart was filled with some (very loud) peace. With in five minutes, she was done. (And I was too because it was REALLY loud.)

A BYU religion professor once told me that people need to be willing to sit in silence to receive answers to prayer. He used to say, "Sometimes even the Mormon Tabernacle Choir is too loud." Oh, how true that rings in my house. Literally.

Twilight, New Moon and Blah, Blah, Blah

Reading the third book in the Twilight Series makes me wonder if the male hero of the story is a substitute for both Jesus and the perfect husband. What more could you ask for? (How about strong relationships with Jesus and my real husband?)


So, when all the girls ages 12 to 18 at church were talking about these books Twilight and New Moon by Stephanie Meyer last summer, I decided to check it out so I could relate to them better or whatever. As I read the first book, I thought to myself a few times, "Is this actually a good book?" I couldn't decide. I liked parts, and I knew they were really popular, but I kept asking (quietly) what is wrong here? Should these books be as popular as they are?

Anyway, I read them and enjoyed them, which has got to count for something. But I didn't jump at the third book in the series when it came out in August 2007. But now my daughter is going through a new stage, and I need a book to read so that she can't come up and slam my laptop into my face yet again this week when I am trying to enjoy some free time. She is much less interested in my book, and, for the record, I can already see her making connections between my book and her books and her games that have letters, which is very cool.

So, I opened Eclipse and almost barfed. It is common for the first chapter in a series book to be trite and hard to swallow because the author has to word things funny to remind you what happen in the last book without boring the people who remember, but this was crazy bad. I think the line, "I'll pay you back if it takes 100,000 years" or something close to it was in there somewhere and I almost cried because I was actually excited to read, and I thought that line might be my limit of cheese for the day. But, hence, I persevered, and made it to the point where I am reading and smiling and laughing. But let me tell you: that Edward, sorry ladies, is not real. NOT REAL.

Just a few pages into my reading today, I totally picked a fight with my husband, and I bet if I could read into the depths of my little mind, it had something to do with how my man doesn't hold me, watch me sleep or smell my hair the way Edward does for Bella all day long (or ever).

Come on, ladies? We've got to admit. No one has a man like what... unless they read the bible. Last summer when I was reading a friend of mine pointed out that Edward, as a character is perfect (like Christ), and that many of our friends were using him as a substitute Savior figure to fill lulls in their spiritual lives ... the same why that Bella does with her personal life. Anyone who thinks the perfect actions of a romantic hero will make their troubles and pains go away is not of the right page. The whole concept of Bella and Edward is that he is the perfect lover. He has perfect love. No matter what she is or who she is, he will love her. That story is not new. It has been told... in the bible. (And since the Author is Mormon, like myself, I think it is more than far to make these comparisons.)

So it comes down to this. The writing is fine and entertaining but sometimes cheesy, and the main character is a substitute for what will really make the reader happy, which is selflessness, charity, pure love in there own lives and not in Edward and Bella's. How many people really put that book down and then think "I should be more like Edward?" I bet most people walk away from the book thinking "I deserve an Edward... so, dear, be more like Edward!" Maybe I'm just sensitive because I'm not very good at keep up on my spirituality AND my I an a band widow.

I might just stop reading the book in order to save my soul and come closer to the real God. Probably not, though, because in reality the book is pretty clean, and the alternative outlet for my relaxation is Grey's Anatomy, which could single handedly chop down the tree of life (a metaphor for eternal life.)

Your thoughts about the series? Please comment.

Count Von Count

A new love affair with the Count opens my eyes to the passions of life.

So, I never really watched Sesame Street as a kid. I was the third child in a home with few TV watching rules, so by the time I came around my siblings were watching Saved by the Bell and Charles In Charge and that was what I got (along with a scandalous dose of Three's Company). As for Sesame Street goes, I knew who the characters were, but that was about it.

But I started watching this classic show with my daughter a few months ago. It took me awhile to get the hang of it, but I basically love it. I cave to the masses with a love for Elmo, and in spite of criticism from some, I also love newer characters like Abby and the Mexican puppet.

But my very favorite character is the count -- formally known as Count Von Count. What little I knew about the Count as a kid reminded me of the grandfather on the Monsters TV show. Transylvania? Vanpires? Well, that has always been a little scary for me and generally out of my league. But after I started watching Sesame Street, it did not take long for me to fall in love with this purple puppet. And this is why:

The Count is -- beautifully and simply -- passionate and dedicated. He loves numbers and counting with all his soul, and he wants to share that love with everybody else. I can't think of a better example for my child or myself. My heart just sort of jumps every time he takes the screen because I can feel that love. He feels real to me ... in a puppet kind of way.

Cookie Monster is passionate, but it is in a glutenous, uncontrollable way. Oscar is passionate, but it is about sadness and trash. Ernie is passionate about his duck, but it is in a sort of weird way. But the Count is passionate is a really beautiful and simple way, and I love it. Of all the characters, whenever he says, "I am just so excited" (in his cute little accent) I totally believe him.

I hope that Quinn finds something in her life that she loves so much that it makes her giggle with happiness (other than a boy.) I hope she finds a passion she wants to share with the world. Something that makes her want to jump out of bed in the morning to get the day going.

Of course, since we're Mormon, I hope she feels that way about church and God and Jesus. But I hope she finds something else too on her road to church and God and Jesus ... and Harvard.

Anyway, Ode to the Count. I love you and your passion.


Check out the most modern version of the count at http://video.sesameworkshop.org/. Or check out this Youtube clip of the count counting on a game show.

Post Script: More Youtube.com research showed that the count was in fact much creepier when I was a kid, and he is probably the real reason I did not watch the show. The beginning sequences of his segments are all thunder and lightening and scary. Over the years this theme has mellowed out, and the Count's face has become rounder and more purple.