Nice day in the Burbs

I am college counselor -- I advice, I counsel, and I teach. I am REALLY nice to my students. But I used to be better -- well, worse. ALWAYS happy and ALWAYS smiling. So much so that I sometimes forgot to be a little hardball, call them out of their crap, and really push them to do their homework and graduate college.

After a few years, I noticed that some of the most effective conversations I had with my students were during weeks when I was sick. Not sick enough to call out for the week, but too sick to be bubbly. To sick to care about their excuses or be too sympathic. During these weeks, I just didn't have it in me to glaze over issues. And because of this, the real issues that students have were more obvious to me AND I was much more blunt. I have totally had students say things like, "Are you feeling ok this week?" LOL They knew it might be coming from a bad week, but they also knew I was right. Some of my best and more balanced relationships with my students were formed when I had a head cold.

Today was kind of like that. I haven't found much to love about Tennessee or this move or this pregnancy or really much about my children either during these last two weeks. But today was the worst. I have had this crazy pain in my back -- and 3 doctors have already led me astray in 5 days. The pain is getting worse and worse, and since it is not a pregnancy pain, it feels hopeless. It might never go away.The pain got so bad today that life with my kids was a little like life with my students on a week with a cold. I slowed down and saw things differently.

I was calmer and slower and softer. Yes, I might have taken a pain pill that helped a little. But I just took every moment for what it was, and so with fewer expectation, I had the time and space to find more love, more calm, and more "ME" for my kids. I wasn't in a rush to make a new friend or buy something at a store I've been missing for 2 years. I had nothing on the to do list because I knew I could collapse at any minute. I took time to teach them how to unload the dishwasher and how to put together a hard puzzle. I explained in more detail the answers to questions that usually annoy me. I said, "yes" at the thrift store when they wanted to buy 50 cents worth of treasures they don't need but would cherish. I took time to put kids in time out when they needed it -- right when they needed it -- and not just when I was annoyed. And I didn't yell.

I think I set us up for an even better day tomorrow. Not what I would have expected from the most pain I have ever been in. But sometimes a change of pace -- even because of a yucky reason -- is just what the Nanny 911 ordered, I guess.

It also reminded me that this whole move is in many ways a change of pace -- even because of a yucky reason. Not yucky -- but not exciting. In the past I have embraced change and changes of pace. I think it is important to be your best self even in trial or pain. I think those are sometimes the times when we slow down and make the time to see things or truths that alluded us before. That was what our move to Colorado was all about -- and we embraced it. I can do that again. It just looks different this time and takes a little effort to remember why I said yes -- to this and to SO many things. wink, wink.

In conclusion -- I am not a big mopper. That is I don't mop my floors very much or hardly ever. And so in my life sometimes it takes a major spill to finally see the tile shine .... again.